if the world was ending, you would...
Pinoe asked me to plant a new tomato tree on the side of the garden for her so I went and did it. After finished and got ready to get back inside, very close to where I stood, a familiar voice raised up gently which stopped me from moving farther:
- There are two types of people in the world. The Megan Rapinoe type and the Tobin Heath type.
It was Sky's voice and she was mentioning me. I think they were in the middle of a conversation that I did not know of.
Like a coward, I took a step back and hid myself carefully.
- One promises you the world, and one cannot promise you anything but give you all of their world.
I felt bitterness in my throat.
Sky was wrong. I could not promise her anything and hadn't given her anything significant either. I was the asshole of all assholes.
- My wife is a sweet talker you know? - Sky chuckled. - But Tobin isn't. - she continued.
- Not all people can tough up at any given moment to say what they would like to say or can actually form what they wanna say into proper words.
- I sometimes would like Megan to shut the hell up, but at the same time, I appreciate her a lot for never confusing me. She's straightforward and that's her own charm. And being quiet is the charm of Tobin herself.
I smiled.
- Besides not being a vegetarian and falling in love with you deeper and deeper every day, Tobin Powell Heath is theoretically a monk. She wants quietness to create, she highly demands peace in her life compared to any other elements, she is kind and sweet, she is a woman of great learning. But now that she has decided to put down the barriers that she built up around her to let you in, so please notice her effort.
Guess what? The second job of Skylar Blue Rapinoe was to defend me unconditionally.
Chris remained silent persistently which made Sky broke it first as she asked:
- Which one would you pick?
For no reason, my heart beat out of my chest as I was somehow waiting for an answer from her.
After a few seconds, Chris said:
- It'd be weird if I pick Pinoe. I mean you're sitting right here, in front of me.
I knew she was joking, but somehow, my heart felt uneasy as she reluctantly chose me.
- Stop lying. You have been picking the quite type for a long time. - Sky giggled cheekily.
- But there's something I'm curious about. - Chris drove Sky to another topic.
Sky understood that she was just trying to get away with the situation, she sighed and asked:
- What is it?
- With that personality of Pinoe, do you guys even fight?
- Please I don't even have a chance to start a fight with her. She apologizes immediately even when it's entirely my fault. She has her way to make me talk about what I'm uncomfortable with. She's being brutally honest and showing her heart out to me. What is there about that woman for me to fight with? Nothing!
- Lucky you.
I hate that word. "Lucky". Who determines the definition of luck? I want a fight with that person all the time.
- Lucky my ass. Sometimes I just wanna fight but she's too adorable to be hurt by my harsh words so I just shut my mouth and give her a hug.
- Is there a problem to your relationship because of that? - Chris seemed worried.
- No. Whenever I feel like crap and wanna start a fight with someone, I have to just tell her and she will cooperate. You know how easy it is for Megan to get on someone's nerves. - Sky chuckled.
- Aww. That's cute.
- Yeh. She's my adorable dumbass.
The silence snuck in. All I could hear was the sound of wind getting through the space between the branches and leaves.
- When did you start to fall for Pinoe? - Chris broke the silence.
- Uhm... I guess... You know everyone has their own weak spot. Mine was when she asked me "why do you live like that?" And I went "this is how I live. Deal with it." And she cried while shouting at me "this is bullshit! The way you live your life is fucking bullshit! It's frustrating!" Normally, people just say something like: "Alright whatever, it's your life anyway. It's your own business to fuck it up or straighten it." But she was kind enough to care and intervene. Also, she was the first person that cries for me first.
Their love story is one hell of a story. It's admiring, really.
- When nobody remembered I was a human too, they treated me like dirt, even myself forgot about it and acted like I was really just dirt in this world. Right at that moment, she appeared, turned my life to another page without ripping off those previously wrinkled pages, she remembered and reminded me that "Skylar, you are a human, too. Let's hurt, let's be hurt. Let's cry, let's be vulnerable. And if you're too shy to do it alone, let's do it together, I'm not going anywhere that doesn't have you."
Sky chuckled.
- It's embarrassing to admit, but stuff like that touched me. And we were only strangers back then.
- She was a stranger to you but you were her love at first sight. - Chris said.
- You're right. - Sky humbly laughed.
Sky's alarm suddenly rang.
It scared the shit out of me. I almost blew my cover.
- Hold on a sec. - she said.
I rubbed my chest to calm my nervous heart down.
- What is it? Are you busy? - Chris asked.
- No no no no. It's Meg's med time. Her knees have been killing her lately. You know them soccer legs. - Sky talked as pain creeped its way in her voice.
- Mine act up once in awhile too. - Chris said, chuckling.
I could picture her smile in my mind.
- It's not too bad for Megan, but the older she gets, the more frequent the pain comes. I really really hate that sport so damn much. Wanna puke just talking about it. - Sky let out a little laugh.
- But you are proud of Megan though.
- Well, I am. - Sky let out a laugh.
- Baby. It's me, your wife.
It was Pinoe on the phone.
- Med time. - she briefly reminded.
- The pink one and half of the white one. - she continued.
- The very outer area of your backpack. - she said.
- See you soon. I love you. Work hard.
Sky couldn't stop smiling even when the call had already finished seconds ago.
- You have to remind her? It's not like she's a kid.
Why was Chris talking about? Pinoe had always been a whole ass kid. When they said they were having a child, I was so worried. I asked her how could a kid raise another kid and I got a kick in my ass.
- Well, that can't be helped. She is worse than a kid. When she goes on a business trip or whatever away from home, I even need to remind her to have lunch, dinner, or wake her up in the morning. Otherwise she would wait until her tummy rumble to eat.
Well, that's true. I'm one of the witness.
- She just can't function without me. - Sky joked.
- Is marriage that fun? - Chris asked as if she couldn't relate in anyway and it made my heart flustered.
How unhappy she really was, no one would never know.
- Well, it's fun because my wife is Megan Rapinoe the crackhead.
- Happy for you. - Chris said.
- What? You wanna enjoy the feeling of marrying someone you love who happens to love you?
There she went again. Sky and her bullshit.
- What are you talking about? - Chris chuckled.
- You know that better than I do.
- I'm not gonna do that. Heather is still very young.
She would sacrifice anything for her daughter and I knew that.
- You're not gonna live your own life again, are you, stubborn head?
- I am literally breathing right in front of you. - she retorted.
- Breathing doesn't mean you're actually living. - Sky tried very hard to kick some sense into her head.
Christen Press clicked her tongue as if she had surrendered.
- It's not like you can't live without a certain thing or person.
- Whatever, forget it. Forget what I said. Just live as you please. I have no business in your life anyway. - Skylar got mad slightly.
- What do you mean? You're my bestfriend. - Chris laughed.
- Oh! Am I? Glad to hear.
I could imagine Skylar rolling her eyes with all of the strength that she had over there.
- I'll think about it. Don't get worked up. - she comforted Sky.
- I'm not. I just feel bad for Tobin although you are my bestfriend. I should be on your side and respect your choice instead. I got this disease from Megan, the disease of having sympathy towards Tobin Powell Health for as long as I know her. I'll blame Megan later when she gets home.
I remembered a conversation between little Heather and me from last time when we went to Disneyland together.
- Mom looks beautiful here.
- Isn't she beautiful anywhere else?
She shook her little head.
- I like her here.
- Why?
- She looks happier. Happiness makes her beautiful.
I thought I was about to cry, but I held it back in like how a grown up was always capable of.
- Isn't she happy back home?
- It's not her home. Here is her home. - she pointed to the ground.
- So... she wasn't happy in Paris?
- She smiled twice a day. When she said good morning and when she said good night. But I don't think that was happiness, because she didn't look this beautiful.
- Awww, Heather. - I gave her fluffy cute cheek a little love pinch.
Her innocent laugh was like music to my ear. She leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear:
- Tobin, do you love my mom?
I was stunned by her question, but came to my senses eventually and nodded.
She acted secretive once again and sent me another whispering message:
- Don't love someone too much, it will hurt you.
I burst out laughing.
- Who told you that?
- Mom.
My smile was put out in an instant.
Why would she tell a child something that harsh? I was upset towards her. Heather was just a child.
- She didn't tell me. She told my dad and I heard it.
- It wasn't for you?
- No, it was for my dad.
I smiled and scooped her up from the group.
- Do you love your dad a lot?
She nodded.
- More than your mom? - I asked just joking since it was such a stupid question to ask.
She hesitated as if she felt guilty towards someone, and finally shook her head very reluctantly.
- Don't tell my dad that I love my mom more. It was just little bit more.
A little child that knew what guilt was. Christen Press surely had been raising her so well.
When she grows up and becomes an adult, I hope she will never feel lonely as her mother and I had felt our entire life.
- Tobin.
- Uh. - I picked a strand of hair out of her face.
- When you and mom live together, can I please visit?
I laughed.
- Why do you visit? You will stay with us.
- No. - she shook her head.
- Why? - I was concerned that she would feel uncomfortable about Christen and me.
- Dad doesn't have mom, he only has me. He will be very lonely if I'm not with him. He will be the saddest man in the world.
That's right. I sometimes forgot how I was one of the reasons that made Ben's life miserable. It was partially my fault.
- Heather, I'm sorry. - I said as I swallowed back tears.
- Why are you sorry? - she blinked her eyes innocently.
I raised my shoulders slightly as I smiled.
- Just...
All of a sudden, her little hand was put against my face. She clumsily and cutely rubbed my cheek as she smiled like an angel.
- Number 17, you are a good person. I really really like you.
------------------------------------
- Hello? - her voice appeared on the other side.
- Hello? - she was waiting for a respond.
- Tobin?
I breathed.
- I know it's impossible for us, but...
I could hear her breaths so vividly in my ears.
- But if the world is ending... you'll come over, right?
She kept silence.
- I'm sorry, Chris. I was just out of my mind. You should go to bed now. I'm so sorry. I-
- Uhm. Both of us. - her voice raised up, cut off my rambling.
- Both Heather and me. - she softly added.
The call was ended for almost an hour and I still couldn't bring myself back to the reality. Like a drunk who couldn't figure out a way to go home, I called Pinoe.
- Bitch!!! - cussing her out was the first thing I did as soon as she picked up.
- What? What did I do? You were gonna call Kelley, but you dialed the wrong number, weren't you? I know it.
Her sleepy voice was like a trigger to my explosion.
Sometimes I felt bad for Pinoe. She was the person who had always been there for me. She had been as present and as patient as the kindest human being ever could have done. But sometimes, I treated her like my punching bag or my emotion trash can. She tolerated me too much that I crossed my lines out of my own problems and frustration, and still she kept on loving and tolerating me.
- You should have stopped me! - I yelled.
- What the hell are you talking about? I was just fucking sleepin. - she was so confused and it even drove me madder.
- Why didn't you stop me?
- Stop you from doing what?
- From liking Christen Press!! - I shouted from the top of my lungs.
- Ma'am. Let's have a seat. - she calmly advised.
- What?
- I didn't stop you?! Me?! Megan Rapinoe?! Kai's mother?!
Oh yeh. She did. Multiple of times. Just that I pretended I was deaf and never listened.
- Think about it, Tobin. - I could imagine her face judging me on the other side of the call.
- Ok. But you have been so supportive throughout the years as well. Who even asked you for that crap? You should have slapped the shit out of me and dragged me away from her. - I acted stubborn and unreasonable for God know how many time that was. Just because I knew that Megan Rapinoe would listen to my venting.
- You're having an episode again, aren't you? - she gently checked on me.
- What did she tell you? - she asked me.
- Nothing. - I responded.
- What did you expect her to tell you? - another question came through.
- Everything. - I replied.
- I know you would go through it all over again for her, Toby.
- No! Am I crazy? - I raised my voice.
- Yes. - she answered without taking a second to think.
- Tobin, you're not regretting and I know it. You're just trying to pretentiously regret because you thought it would make you feel better.
- Megan, who are you?
My heart just felt incredibly comforted because Pinoe was the person on the phone.
- Someone who has been there. - she said.
- Remember when Sky left me before I proposed to her? I almost died, and to be able to reach that kind of self-carelessness, I had to go through every single emotion that you are experiencing.
- Imagine if Sky didn't come back. - I laughed.
I thought talking about another person's misery would make me feel less lonely when my mind shifted back to mine later.
- Man, I don't even dare to imagine. It's scary as hell. - Pinoe laughed nervously.
It turned out that fear never went away even after she had got Sky all for herself. It turned out once something happened and once you felt it, it would be stuck forever in your life. It will never go away, you just get used to it.
- But you have the happiest life right now, so it was all worth it eventually. - I told her.
- I know. How lucky am I? - Pinoe giggled like a fool who was desperately in love.
- Hey. - she called me.
- Uh?
- Want a drink?
- Nah. I'm going to sleep. - I said.
- Uh. Dream about me. - she being an idiot again.
- Shut up. - I laughed.
- Love you.
My heart felt the warmth as I responded her:
- Love you.
- When tomorrow comes, go and get her, bitch. - she ended our conversation with such.
I laughed.
- Uh. Give me from strength and faith.
- Anytime. If mine is not enough, Sky's got plenty. I'll steal from her and give them to you.
My laughter faded into the night.
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