being chased by the past...
I looked the my phone ringing, a smile came across my face as I saw the name of the contact number.
- Uh. - I picked up.
- You know what? I'm coming over. - Pinoe announced.
- What about my sleep? - I joked.
- Fuck your stupid sleep, I'm on my way. - she said.
I could hear the subtle sound of music from her car's radio.
- Stay the fuck up. I'll be there in a minute. - she ensured that I was going to wait for her.
I smiled. I never thought I once deserved to be so loved my the Rapinoe Family. Throughout this friendship, all they did was to shield me from pain and heartaches. Skylar literally saved me as "Daughter" in her phone. Kai and I were practically siblings.
- What about Sky? She can't sleep well without you. - I was being thoughtful of my other mother.
She chuckled before started talking.
- You know what Sky said when I told her I had to come over to you?
- What? - I was crackling already, and I hadn't even heard the story.
- I softly shook her: "Baby, baby, I have to tell you something." She opened her eyes a little bit, half asleep and asked me: "Uh?" And then I went "I need to see Tobin, are you ok with that?" She didn't say anything and went back to sleep, but before she started snoring again, she mumbled: "Even if it turns out that Tobin is your secret mistress, bring her over, I can share a wife."
I burst out laughing and Pinoe also cracked up over there.
- Man, she loves you painfully. - Pinoe said.
- I love her so much. The sweetest sis-in-law in the world. - I teared up a little. I didn't know if it was from the excessive laughter or from the deep end of my gratitude towards Sky.
--------------------------
Megan Rapinoe let me lie my head on her arm. We had been quite for almost an hour but the silence was so comfortable and reassuring. I felt safe enough with her next to me that even the sky was falling down, I thought I would still be ok because Pinoe would do something about it to secure me no matter what.
Sisterhood.
- Pinoe.
- Uh. - she exhaled peacefully.
- I think it's a perfect time for to give up on her. She's —
Not to wait until I finished my sentence, a slap went across my face.
- Ouch. - I held where she slapped me with my palm and looked at her innocently.
- Oops. Sorry for doing the right thing. - her sassy ass responded.
- What? - I asked.
I was completely shocked by her slap, although it didn't even hurt at all.
- You deserve that slap. You know it. - she really thought she did the right thing, which made me laugh.
- Our misunderstandings have been all solved. I'm at peace right now and so is she. I don't want to make it into a mess again. - I looked up at the ceiling as I explained to her why I wanted to do what I just told her.
Pinoe sort of looked at me for awhile and then disconnected our eye contact before she broke the silence first:
- You know Sky and I are surprisingly different, but we've gone through it all in the name of love.
She took a short pause and continued:
- When we sleep, I like it warm and she likes it cold. She would turn the fan on all night without knowing I was shivering next to her. It's not that she was careless, it's just that I tried not to show. If it's cold, I just have to wear more clothes then everything would be fine, but when it's hot, there's nothing that we can do about it other than doing what Sky did, turned the fan on.
I attentively listened to her as if I was listening to the greatest philosopher of all time.
- Similarly, you've known me all our lives and you know how messy I can be.
I nodded against her arm, turned my body facing her to look at her more clearly. Like a baby curled up next to its mother, I did the exact same thing.
She was probably the messiest person alive. But because Sky showed up, so she's getting much better now. Not only being more organized but becoming more thoughtful, minding more about people around her instead of only do what she pleases like how she used to in the past. Of course she is still the biggest bitch on the planet because that's the way God made her; however, no one can deny her improvements in progress.
Pinoe's eyes lit up before she said the next thing:
- But instead of scolding and nagging, she would put things away and clean up after me. Not because she spoiled me, but because she knew I am always trying hard to be better.
- What I'm trying to say is if you love her a little bit more, she will love you much much more. If you care for her a little but more, she will care for you much much more. Always think about give, and never expect to take anything back, because that's what love is. Don't expect too much, Tobin, just love her crazily and unconditionally. Love is all that you can do.
- Tobin.
- Missing someone won't kill you. Memories do.
- So...
- Go get her, cupcake.
I chuckled.
- Who the fuck is your cupcake?
- You. Sky. Kai. Ali. Ash. Krystal. Etc. Anyone that I love is my cupcake.
- Why are you the way you are? - I asked, couldn't suppress the smile that was coming out of me and at her.
- Thank you. I love you too. - she smiled, leaned herself over and kissed the top of my head as she always does.
After a long exhalation, she went:
- I can't believe I left my wife to be with you tonight.
I choked on my own saliva because of how dramatic her words were. It's really easy to be misunderstood from another perspective, or if someone heard it from accident.
This bitch literally sounded like she was cheating on her wife with me. I wanna vomit just from imagining having an affair with this crazy motherfucker.
- I'm so precious, aren't I? - her narcissistic ass complimented herself without any shame.
I gave her a side-eye but couldn't stop smiling because of how sweet she could be despite what a mentally unstable bitch that she is.
- Let's sleep. It'll only get better when you sleep well. - she said and closed her eyes.
- Who said that? - my eyes smiled.
- Someone. - she clicked her tongue while keeping her eyes closed.
- Who exactly?
- A very famous philosopher. - her tone in the sentence told that she was proud.
- Name?
- Skylar Blue Rapinoe. - she said.
Pinoe then opened her eyes. As soon as our eyes met, the two of us laughed like crazy although it wasn't even that funny.
- Ok. Let's got to sleep for real real. I have a meeting tomorrow. Thanks to your irresponsible ass taking a month off to escort your first love around LA, I get more work to do.
She continued with her nagging although she was the one who suggested me to take days off from the very the beginning.
- I'm bursting my ass off because of you, couldn't even go home 2 days in a row, and when I finally got to be home, you called me and I have to be here instead of snuggling with the love of my life in my own comfy bed.
- They both were your ideas, bitch. - I chuckled.
- Shut up. Just say sorry, thank you, and move on, bitch.
- I'm sorry and thank you. - I softly said.
- Forgiven, graditude accepted. - she said arrogantly and it made me laugh.
- Pi. - I called her name.
- What?
- How did you know Ben is not the one for her? - I asked.
Her eyes shot open as she quickly turned her head and looked at me.
- Oh crap. Did I talk shit?
I started to crackle. I couldn't believe she really forgot.
- At the end of her wedding ceremony, you asked me why you couldn't feel that he was the one for her. - I recalled.
- Oh shit. Have you ever thought my words on that day cursed them? - she asked, the tone in her voice was so funny.
Seeing Pinoe actually scared that she ruined a family because of what she said in the past was something new and interesting to me.
Why interesting?
Because this bitch never gave one fuck.
- You mean in term of making them divorce? - I asked, couldn't contain my laughter.
- Well yeh. - she nodded.
- Pinoe, you're not a psychic. - I reminded her.
- I mean I'm gay, which means I'm going to hell anyway, so is there a chance that my words kinda have quite a strong impact from the devil?
- Stop bullshitting. - I slapped her cheek slightly, but strong enough to wake her up from her own hallucination.
- Why did I say that? - she asked herself again, was somewhat bothered by what she once said in the past.
- You don't have to answer. It's been a long time. - I comforted her.
- Ah. I think I know why.
- Why? - I was curious too.
- Wait, you just said I didn't have to answer. - she teased me.
- You know I'm Tobin Heath, right? I am not only capable of kicking you off of the bed, but also kicking you all the way to South Africa.
- Ok! You gangsta. - she mumbled and flattered her lips at me.
- It's too obvious that he isn't the one for her. I mean I probably never told anyone anything because it's none of my business, but there is no way in the world that someone would look at how Christen behaved in front of Ben and said "Oh my fucking God, she loves him so much she is going to die for him!!!"
- No. Christen never looked at Ben the way someone is supposed to look at their lover. - the love expert determined.
- Like... how? - I joined the gossip too. The fuck was wrong with me?
- In others' words, people told me they would catch my eyes sparkle whenever Sky suddenly shows up somewhere to surprise me.
- Uh. - I agreed immediately because even the blinds could see how Pinoe's eyes shot them hearts at Sky every single time.
- But back then, every time Ben came to practice and brought us a lot of food, she was never comfortable with him being there and it showed. She never actually said that to him or anyone but if you were keen enough, you could easily catch on.
- Maybe she was just shy. Some people are like that. - I defended that, and I don't even know why.
- Ok. I'll give you another example.
- Remember when he proposed to her at her retirement ceremony? We were there, everyone was there. I think she only said yes because everyone was there, the fans were there, and well, you were there too. She didn't think right so she just said yes eventually after a long ass pause with all of us holding our breath.
I had no comments on that because my brain practically erased all those memories as it was too painful for me to handle at the time.
- She never smiled for real whenever he showed up and I know he is a great guy, but she has never actually given her heart to him for even one second, and it was just too obvious. Y'all were too blind, my God, I still can't believe it.
She suddenly got mad at what had already happened in the past and could no longer be fixed.
- Did Sky see it too? - I asked. Because Sky is normally the one that catches on with these stuff very quickly.
- Of course she did. She was the first person ever to realize because Christen is her bestest friend. But she didn't tell me though. We didn't talk about it, until I finally sensed something was off, and she caught me because you know how my face would show every damn emotion. And then, after that, we officially talked about it with each other. She asked Christen and Chris denied it. She asked it for ten thousand more times and finally Chris admitted that she didn't love Ben enough to marry him, but it was what it was, and she decided to go to Paris with him immediately after the proposal.
- You're not blaming Sky, are you? - I think she asked me that just because I kept being quiet after her storytelling.
- Sky really tried so hard, man. You have no idea.
- No! Why would I blame her? I know Sky had it worst among all of us.
I must be crazy to blame someone who loves me as much as her wife loves me. Even I started out as her wife's friend, she never once not considers me her own friend.
- Good that you know. They really are best friends but it's not like someone can change someone's decision with only a few trillions of words.
- I totally understand. - I smiled.
- Especially, you know how sensitive that period of time would be for Chris. We all went through it at some point as a soccer player. I mean her career just ended and she didn't have enough time to be mentally ready for the next things in her life to all come at once: the retirement ceremony and the wedding. That's why it fucked her up. Boom! Paris. Boom! Pregnant. Boom! Cut ties to literally everyone who has the smallest thing to do with you. Boom! Became a mother for the first time. Boom! Finally came to her senses after four years giving herself a break by staying away from all of us. Then Boom! Divorce. Boom! Decided to face the reality that you are the one she loves although it may be hard for you two to be together.
- Have you ever thought about becoming a therapist? - I asked.
With all those "boom boom boom", I thought she would be great at therapist-ing people.
- You think so?! Too bad I wasn't doing great at school. - I joked.
- You can do it any time now. Study. Take the test. Get good grades. Boom! Therapist. - I partially teased her, but the rest of me was so serious.
- Should I? - she was just joking by the look on her face.
- But don't cuss too much though, they'll fucking report your ass if you do. - I gave her my advice.
- Why? Cussing can increase your life expectancy, studies proved.
I laughed.
- Alright. Let's go to be for real this time. - she closed her eyes.
I smiled and closed mine too.
- Should I close down re-inc and become a therapist? - her voice spiked up all of a sudden.
Once I opened my eyes, she had already been looking at me.
- Never mind. Let's go to bed now. I'm tired. - I said.
Pinoe burst into laughter.
- But Pinoe.
- Uh.
- Can you tell me another example?
- What example?
- What you said. Evidence that Chris didn't love Ben.
- You evil little bitch, you like it, don't you? - she narrowed her eyes as she was judging me.
- No. I'm just wanting to learn more about her.
- Ok. Whatever you say. - she ignored my reply overall.
- Are you going to tell or not?
- Yes ma'am. I'm gonna immediately. Just wait a moment, let me make up my script one last time.
Then she said she would need to close her eyes to make up that script, and the bitch started snoring 5 minutes later.
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