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“You never felt insecure to Lean?” I asked Enzo while I was leaning on the couch. I was eating chips while looking at Enzo. Nasa pang-isahang silya ito habang nakatingin sa akin. Hawak din nito ang wine glass na may lamang wine.
Mabuti na lang at may mga wines si Enzo roon kaya hindi na kami naghanap ng mabibilihan kanina. I asked him if we can drink and he agreed, I told him I just want to forget what happened and just focus on the now.
“Hmm? What do you mean?” he asked me as he sipped on his wine.
I shrugged and crossed my legs. “I mean, you’re twins. Sometimes, she will get more attention because she’s a girl and you’ll be left behind and–”
“I will also put her first, so no,” umiling siyang sagot sa akin. “Lean used to think that I was the favorite child but that was actually wrong, she’s our parents’ favorite and that’s okay with me because I want it that way,” he shrugged and looked at me.
Tumango ako sa kanya bago muling kumain.
“Were you insecured to Cherinna or Airi?” he asked me after a few moments. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya bago umiling.
“No? I don’t know… maybe a little?” ngumiti ako ng maliit bago sumandal at huminga ng malalim. “Growing up with Cherinna, they never made me feel less, kay Airi rin naman ngayon. Maybe I was the problem because I think I am nothing compared to them?” nagkibit-balikat ako bago lumingon kay Enzo na kunot ang noo habang nakatingin sa akin.
“What? I couldn’t help it. Cherinna knows how to cook, she’s nicer than me, she’s sweeter than me, and Airi, she’s so talented! And I… I mean look at me? What’s good in me? Wala naman…” I chuckled and leaned to get my wine glass.
“You just don’t see yourself the way others see you, Alyanna. The way I see you. Cherinna and Airi, they’re special in their own way, so are you,” sagot naman niya sa akin. Natigilan ako sa pag-inom kaya nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. Naghihintay ng sunod na sasabihin ni Enzo sa akin.
“You’re special, too. Don’t forget that…” he said and his lips formed a little smile.
Pinamulahan naman ako ng pisngi kaya pinili ko na lang na umiling para itago iyon bago muling uminom sa baso ko. “You’re just saying that because I am here with you. Sa amin ni Cherinna, mas favorite mo siya dahil siya ang lagi niyong kasama nila Jahann at–”
“She’s with us but I am always looking at you,” he cut me off and it made me blush even more! Hindi ko mahanap ang mga salita na pwede kong isagot sa sinabing iyon ni Enzo sa akin. Pinili ko na lang na ubusin ang laman ng baso ko.
I heard him chuckle as he sipped on his wine again.
Kahit na kaming dalawa lang ni Enzo ang magkasama at ako ang madalas na nauunang magsalita, hindi ko maitatanggi na kumportable ako na kasama ito. With Enzo, I really feel that I am safe and I can be who I am. I don’t have to pretend or act like I am someone else, I can be me.
“Can I ask?” maya-maya ay sabi ko sa kanya bago umusod papalapit sa lalaki. Tumingin naman ito sa akin at inayos ang suot na salamin.
“Shoot,” he said.
Ipinilig ko ang ulo at tinignan si Enzo. “I am just really curious… What did you like about me? You mentioned before that you just woke up and you feel something special towards me, but… how did that happen? Anong nagustuhan mo sa akin?” tanong ko habang pinagmamasdan si Enzo.
Ngumiti ito ng tipid sa akin at huminga ng malalim.
“I don’t know how it started, maybe when you handed me the towel when we were playing basketball before? Maybe when you chose to stay with me when everyone wants to go out because you said I’ll be left alone, or maybe when you hugged me when I won an award way back in high school…” nakatingin siya sa akin ng seryoso. “Believe me, Alyanna, I tried stopping it. I tried keeping it to myself because I told myself, there’s no chance we will happen… but it’s fucking difficult, you know? Seeing you smiling because of someone else. Seeing you happy because of someone else…” he reached for my cheek and gently caressed it.
“I want to be the person who will make you smile, make you happy… that’s why I told you I am willing to wait for your yes because I am serious about what I feel towards you, Alyanna. I love you and I mean it…”
Pakiramdam ko naman ay umakyat lahat ng dugo ko sa ulo ko dahil sa sinabing iyon ni Enzo. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi habang nakatingin sa lalaki.
Ngumiti naman siya bago mabilis na idinampi ang labi sa mga labi ko.
Napaatras ako ng kaunti kaya naman tinignan ako ni Enzo na nakakunot ang noo.
“You always kiss me, you said you will wait,” I teased him and he chuckled again.
“Was it my fault that kissing you became my addiction?” He asked me before he closed the distance between us and kissed my lips again. I felt him smile against my lips before he moved away and looked at me.
Hindi naman ako nakapagsalita kaagad kaya umayos na lang ako ng upo at muling kinuha ang tsitsirya na nakabukas at nagsimulang kumain na muli. Nakabukas ang malaking television sa sala at kanina pa umaandar ang isang pelikula roon na hindi ko naman masundan ang kwento dahil na rin sa maya’t mayang pag-uusap namin ni Enzo.
“You never had a boyfriend, right?” Enzo asked me again. I looked at him and nodded my head. Alam naman nilang lahat na hindi pa ako nagkaroon ng boyfriend. Well, I thought Leo would be the first one but he never courted me…
“You never liked any of your suitors?” he asked again. Nakatingin ito sa akin na para bang interesado itong marinig kung anuman ang magiging sagot ko sa kanya.
I shrugged and looked at the screen again. “I don’t know? Wala akong nagustuhan sa kanila, e. It’s either they’re too mayabang or they’re not my type… and I was very vocal on saying that I like someone like my dad because look at my mom, she’s so happy and she’s lucky to have daddy,” sagot ko naman dito.
Kahit mga bata pa kami nila Cherinna, napagkasunduan na naming dalawa na gusto namin ng katulad ni Daddy. Well, Cherinna was lucky to get what she wanted. Parang mini-Kerko kasi si Jahann, e.
Hindi ko nga malaman kung bakit ba nagkagusto ako kay Leo, e, napaka layo naman nito sa ugali ni Daddy.
Muli akong bumaling kay Enzo, napahinto ako nang mapagmasdan ko ang lalaki na nakatingin sa akin.
“Like your dad?” he asked and smiled a little. Kumunot ang noo ko nang ngumiti ito. Para bang sinasabi nito na mahirap makahanap ng ganoong klaseng tao.
“E, ikaw? I never heard you had a girlfriend, Keij just told us you were the first one to lose his virginity and–” natigilan ako nang marealize ko kung ano ang sinasabi ko sa kanya. Nakatingin lang sa akin si Enzo na para bang gusto nitong matawa dahil sa sinabi ko sa kanya.
“I never heard you had a girlfriend…” sabi ko na lang upang iiwas ang topic sa huling nasabi ko kanina.
“I never courted anyone before. You’re the first person I said I will court,” sagot naman nito sa akin. Ngumiti ito bago ipinilig ang ulo at tignan ako. “And about what Keij said, that was a lie I made him believe in,” he chuckled softly.
Kumunot naman ang noo ko habang nakatingin dito. “What do you mean… you never had… sex?” halos pabulong kong sabi dahil parang may kung anong kumakabog sa dibdib ko.
He nodded his head and looked at me.
Napatango na lang din ako at umayos ng upo para uminom ng muli. Pangalawang bote na ng wine ang naubos namin nang muli akong bumaling kay Enzo. He was now sitting beside me, he was holding my hand and playing with it.
“Why?” he asked when he noticed I was staring at him. I shook my head and leaned on his shoulder. Hindi naman ito nagdalawang-isip at inakbayan ako upang hapitin akong papalapit sa kanya, nilalaro-laro pa rin nito ang kamay ko.
“I was just wondering…” I bit my lip. Pakiramdam ko ay pulang-pula ang pisngi ko sa naiisip ko sa ngayon. “How… how was it doing it…”
Naramdaman kong natigilan si Enzo sa tanong ko dahil tumigil ang kamay nito sa paglalaro sa kamay ko. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at nakita ko ang pamumula rin ng pisngi nito.
I smiled a little. “You’re blushing…” I moved to face him. Hinawakan ko rin ang salamin nito at marahang inalis iyon. “You can’t see clearly without your glasses?” I asked him.
“I can see you,” he replied and that made me smile.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi niya. “You’re handsome with and without your glasses…” sabi ko habang hinahaplos ang magkabilang pisngi ni Enzo. “I never thought we would be this close… lagi mo kasi akong sinusungitan noon, lagi kang tahimik kaya iniisip ko na ayaw mong kasama ako…” sabi ko pa sa kanya habang nakatingin dito.
Kahit pa naubos namin ang dalawang bote ng wine, alam kong hindi ako lasing dahil mas marami pa rin ang nainom ni Enzo pero marahil iyon na rin ang tumutulong sa akin upang mas maging madaldal ngayon at magsabi ng mga bagay na nasa isip ko kay Enzo.
“Were you scared of me?” he asked me softly and I shook my head. “It’s more like, I don’t want you to be mad so I’ll just keep my distance…” tumawa ako ng mahina habang nakatingin kay Enzo.
“Don’t do that again, then? Don’t move away from me because even when I don’t talk, I want you beside me, Alyanna. I want you to be with me,” seryosong sambit nito habang nakatingin sa akin.
I looked at him and caressed his cheeks again, I looked at his lips and bit my lower lip. Parang bumibigat din ang paghinga ko habang nakatingin kay Enzo.
I know I should move away from him, but I can’t. I know this is unfair to Enzo because I know I have feelings for someone else, but I can’t move my body to distance myself from him.
It’s like I want to stay beside him, too… It’s like I want to feel him beside me.
I am not sure if it was the alcohol that’s making me feel those things or it’s something inside me that I haven’t figured out yet but one thing is for sure now… I don’t want to move away from him…
“Alyanna,” he called my name and I like the way he calls my name. It was sweet and needy, like he’s telling me he needs me…
I looked at him again and I moved closer to Enzo. I felt his hand on my waist and helped me sit on his lap as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Alyanna…” he said again while looking at me.
I smiled a little and moved to kiss the corner of his lips. I closed my eyes as I kissed him and inhaled his scent. He smelled good and it added to whatever heat I was feeling.
He breathed heavily and I felt that when I leaned forward and felt his chest move. Mas idinikit ko ang sarili sa kanya habang nagtatanim ng mumunting halik sa gilid ng labi nya.
“Alyanna,” muli niya akong tinawag at pilit na ihinaharap sa kanya. Tumingin ako kay Enzo at ngumiti ng maliit. “What?” tanong ko sa kanya. Kitang-kita ko ang pamumula ng mukha ni Enzo ngayong nakaharap ako sa kanya.
“You’re just drunk, you need to sleep,” he said as he breathed heavily again. I chuckled and shook my head. “I am not drunk…” mahinang sabi ko sa kanya bago umiling. “I know what I am doing and I want to do this…”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, baby. You just need to rest and–”
“I want to do it and I want you to do me…” putol ko sa sinasabi ni Enzo. Halatang nabigla ito sa sinabi ko ngunit hindi ko hinayaang magsalita itong muli para pigilan ako. I kissed his lips and closed my eyes.
I know he’s thinking I am just drunk, but I know I am not. I know everything is weird and confusing and complicated but… I am sure that I want this…
Hindi naman ako naghintay ng matagal dahil naramdaman ko ang paghalik ni Enzo sa akin habang hawak nito ang bewang ko. Nakaupo pa rin ako sa hita nito kaya naman mas madali para kay Enzo na yakapin ako upang mas mapalapit dito.
He deepened the kiss and I couldn’t stop myself from moaning when I felt his hand kneading my waist.
“Hmm…” I moaned against his lips.
He tugged my lip and sucked it gently, it added to the heat I was feeling. He moved a little and looked at me. “Are you sure about this, baby…?” he asked again, I could see that he’s still trying to control himself even though I know he’s affected by what’s happening.
I could feel him growing big since I was sitting on his lap.
Pinamulahan ako ng pisngi nang maramdaman ko ang nasa pagitan ng hita ni Enzo.
Marahan akong tumango sa kanya. Mainit ang pakiramdam ko at kahit na wala pa akong karanasan sa bagay na ito, alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan ko si Enzo… maipapagkatiwala ko sa kanya ang sarili ko.
“Fuck, Jahann will kill me,” he said as he moved closer to me.
I smiled a little and hugged him tight. I know that he’s trying his best to control himself and I admire Enzo more because of that.
“Lean will kill me, too,” I told him and smiled a little.
He looked at me again. “Baby, you can still say no if you’re not sure about this…” he said, almost a whisper. Ngumiti ako sa kanya at umiling.
“I want you to take me…” sagot ko sa kanya habang nakatingin sa kanya. Alam kong maraming usapin ang mangyayari pagkatapos ngunit gusto ko munang isipin kung ano ang nangyayari ngayon at ituon ang atensyon ko kay Enzo.
“I want you to do me…” I told him, I saw his jaw tightened as he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss, his hands started to roam on my body, feeling my waist to my legs, and moments after, he reached my boob… Lust licked my skin when I felt his hand on my boob against the material of the shirt I was wearing.
I heard him groan when he gave my boob a squeeze… I could feel his warm palm against my nipple. I heard Enzo groan as he squeezed my boob again, I let out a soft moan and that made him squeeze my boob a little harder.
I never thought this thing could happen but I don’t feel any regret as of the moment… I just want one thing to happen…
To give in to the heat and give myself to him…
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