Chapter 23 - I can't believe we had a similar drama in our lives (A)
I felt my world crashing down hearing those words.
I am not your father. I am not your father. I am not your father.
I felt like I was pulled into vacuum and all I could hear were those words my dad uttered; how ironic to still think of him as dad when he just said he is not. I didn’t stop hearing them until I felt someone shake my shoulders snapping me out of my worst nightmare. I turned to see an equally shocked Jason who looked panicked at my state.
He hugged me tight running his palm up and down my spine which eased me instantly but the pain, the pain in my heart didn’t seem to lessen.
So, what now? He is not my father? No, it can’t be. He loved me so much; he did so many things for me. He was the best dad one can ever ask.
May be he is lying; maybe he just wanted an excuse for all that he did years back. Yes, that has to be it. But why did his face look like he is not lying.
“I am so sorry Anna for hiding the truth all these years” He mumbled with regret and sorrow in his eyes.
I still looked at him in shock; no words coming out of my mouth and ironically no tears either. Seeing that I am in no position to talk Jason started “Why? -----W-Whaaaat? -------- H-H- How? ”
I would have laughed at his choice of questions under normal circumstances but this situation I am now facing is definitely not something you face in your daily life. Who would have guessed my once lovely perfect dad is not my dad actually.
“I will tell everything Anna dear, I was the reason your mom hid the truth from everyone including you. I am so sorry for everything”
I remained quiet while Jason said “Please start telling sir. I am sure there’s a lot to know”
My da—I mean Daniel nodded “I met Dana when my family moved to this city 30 years ago. She was the first friend I made here and we were inseparable ever since”
Dana - my mother. A small doubt crept in my mind thinking of her; is she my mother or in some twisted play of fate will I realize that she is not my mother too. I thought of voicing my doubt but hearing him speak again I remained silent.
“She always saw me as her best friend while I-- I was secretly in love with her. I always wanted to ask her out but never had the guts to do so; while she dated a few guys from our high school I never went after another girl”
Though I am hearing him confess his one-side love/sob story I couldn’t help but think that every high school has these kinds of stories happening around; it even seemed close to mine and Jason’s.
“Once when she was suffering through a bad breakup phase, she had a one night stand with one of the rich guys at school which resulted in a pregnancy” he said looking at me.
Ouch! A one night stand? I was the result of a faulty condom?
“I blamed myself for not being with her when she needed me the most; I was on a vacation with my family when she broke up with her boyfriend and went to some stupid party where she got knocked up”
When I didn’t say anything he continued “She went to your father and explained everything but he panicked, like every guy of his age does. He left the city without a note and never came back un-until----, never mind”
“I – I couldn’t see the girl I love, broken and dejected and—and so – so I took the responsibility of being the father of her child. She didn’t agree initially saying she doesn’t want to spoil my life but I—I confessed I would do anything for the girl I loved”
“She realized that I loved her and would do anything for her which made her accept me as the man in her life. We told everyone that I am the father of her child and no one knew about the truth; not even your aunt or my parents. We got married eventually the same year and I loved you like my own daughter ever since”
What should I say now? Thank you? For treating me like his own daughter or sorry? Sorry that I can’t forgive for all that he did to me five years back.
He looked at me expectantly as if waiting for a question and so I did “W-Who is my father?”
“George Phillips. He belongs to one of the richest and most powerful families of Europe”
“You said he never came back until--- Until when?” I asked softly.
“George came back ten years later to apologize to your mother. He said his parents didn’t let him return for his child in fear of losing their reputation. He asked her to forgive him and your mother did forgive him but she didn’t let him see you. She told him to never come back again into our lives if he really cared and loved his child. He agreed and gave a gift to us to give it you for your birthday. We took it reluctantly and that was the last time we saw him”
Oh. My. God. So my dad came back for me. But why? Wasn’t it a bit late to show his presence? Does he love me? Is that why he came back?
I don’t know what to expect anymore. What a day it had been? When I decided to come back here for answers I never expected to learn secrets about myself – about my very own existence.
“What gift?” I asked slowly.
“A silver chain; the one you loved and kept it with you always”
“Did you mean this?” Jason asked pulling his collar down revealing the chain I gifted him.
He nodded looking shocked. Oh My God. So it was my father who gifted me that.
I didn’t know what to ask anymore but Jason must have quickly recovered from the shock as I heard him say “If you really loved her like your own daughter why did you do all of that to her?”
Huh! I forgot to ask the very thing I wanted to know.
I quickly perked up suddenly feeling curious just as my dad who looked embarrassed and if I can say so ashamed of himself.
“Though I loved you very much I always wanted to have a child of my own with your mom, I wanted a Mini-Me running in the house. We tried a lot to have another kid but it never worked out, she went to gynecologists while I got myself checked up too; I finally gave up and thought I had you and that my family is complete”
“But one day I realized how wrong I was; how wrong I was to think she wanted a kid with me”
“What happened?” I blurted out anxiously unable to bear the stretching silence.
He took a deep breath and said “One day when I went to her office to search for some documents of hers, I—I—found a medical report. A medical report of an abortion that happened a few years ago”
I gasped in horror. My mother aborted his child? Oh My God
“I was so shocked and heartbroken knowing that. She was in one of her trips at that time and I didn’t get to confront her. So I took an appointment with a gynecologist taking all of her medical reports and was shocked to know that she was using pregnancy control techniques since many years. I also realized that she aborted once when she got accidentally pregnant”
“I didn’t know what to do; all my life I loved her selflessly, I took care of her when she was pregnant with someone else’s kid, gave my name to her and her daughter, loved both of them to death and what did I get in return? Betrayal. I was horrified knowing the truth and million doubts crept in my mind. I started doubting if she ever loved me” By this time he was literally crying like a baby that I felt so sorry for coming back and digging his painful memories back.
It took him several minutes to control himself while Jason and I stayed silent not speaking a word. I really didn’t know what to say to console him and so we stayed calm.
“I- I doubted if she ever saw me the way I saw her, if she ever accepted me the way I did; I lied to my own parents for her. I was completely broken and did drugs; I lost my job eventually and my life became a mess. She was never home and I didn’t have anyone to vent out my anger apart from you. You were like a remainder to my messed up life and I took out my anger and frustration at you since I didn’t have the guts to confront her. I realized I became a failure and started spending more time in the bar”
“I was always high and didn’t know what I was doing most of the time but I know I can’t say that as an excuse for everything I did to you. I am so sorry Anna, I wish I could change that; I wish we could’ve lived happily where you’d still be my daughter” he croaked, his eyes shining with tears.
I still don’t know what to say to him. I am still upset for everything he did, yet I feel pity for him.
“Why didn’t you try to save me from Richard that day? I called out for your help many times b-but you never came” I questioned softly.
“I am so sorry Anna; I was passed out, I don’t remember anything from that night”
The silence stretched for few more minutes until Jason broke it again. “Why did Anna’s mom leave her?”
Guilt washed over his face yet again as he spoke “I realized what I had done when I woke up in jail; I knew I lost my daughter but I was determined not to lose my love. I didn’t want Dana to leave me and so I cooked up a story, a false story about Anna. I told her that Anna became a wild child in the months of her absence, she partied like a mad girl and slept with too many ---”
“What the f**k” Jason yelled glaring at him.
He flinched as Jason continued “She was barely 13, how could you say that about her?”
“Jace!! Please calm down” I said trying to cool him down. After all the confessions and truths, this seemed nothing to me; I had endeared too many shocks already.
“You know what he was----” Jason started, hurt evident on his face.
“I know, please let him continue. We’ll get this over with for once and all” I pleaded trying to give him a small smile.
“Fine” he huffed in annoyance.
Seeing him calm down, my dad continued “I am sorry I lied but I didn’t know what to do to keep her with me; I knew she would leave me the instant she knew what I did to you. I lied to her that I was addicted to drugs because of you, I said I couldn’t see my daughter like that”
“What did you tell her about that night? About Richard?” I asked slowly.
He lowered his head again in shame “I--- I--- I told he rejected you while you were drunk---”
“What the --- ” Jason yelled again startling me.
“I am sorry I cooked up stories against you and told her I was hurt that you were a disgrace to my family’s name; I told every lie that I could to keep her with me. I am so sorry. I know I can never be forgiven for everything I did but I can’t change anything now”
“How come she believed you so easily and not her daughter? Didn’t she trust her own blood?” Jason voiced his doubts again.
“She didn’t initially. But she was convinced that she had to either believe me or her; the guy who had been for her the past 25 years or her daughter she barely talked the past few months”
There goes his answer. My mom didn’t trust me enough to stand up for me. Wow.
My dad was looking at me again, expecting me to say something but as usual I stayed calm; I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even feel angry at him for god sake even after knowing everything he did to me. I don’t know who I should blame? My dad? For treating me like that? Or my mom for lying to him and using him? Or my real father who left her when he found out he’s going to be a dad? Or his parents who didn’t want their son to be a dad already and be a disgrace to their family.
I thought I would cry my eyes out seeing my parents and I’d be heartbroken when I return back home but strangely I feel nothing; No pain. No hard feelings either.
I got answers that I’d been craving all these years.
Apparently Jason didn’t as he continued attacking my dad with more questions “Why isn’t she living with you? Anna’s mom”
“After coming from rehab I didn’t meet her for years ashamed of myself. I fully recovered and realized how low I stooped to keep her with me. However six months ago I came back and told her everything; starting from the abortion to the day I lost Anna. She didn’t forgive me, obviously”
Jason snorted beside me “I bet she didn’t”
I looked at him pleading with my eyes to stop glaring at my dad but he didn’t bother me and still looked at him like a panther ready to pounce on his prey.
“What are you going to do about her?” I asked calmly.
He seemed surprised by my question but replied nevertheless “I will try to win her over. I will apologize until she forgives me”
I gave him a small smile “She will” and turned to Jason “Shall we go?”
He nodded just as my dad said “Please stay Anna. I know I’ve done horrible things to you but I still consider you as my daughter. I will always be your dad, by blood or not I don’t care”
I was surprised that he wanted me back but I am not sure about that. I know I don’t hate him but I have not forgiven him; not yet.
“I will make sure she stays as far as possible from you” Jason hissed beside me.
I threw him a look which shut him up and said “I am sorry. Umm we didn’t plan to stay here; we have to attend school on Monday and we have a 10 hour long journey to go back”
“Oh!! Fine” he said in a disappointed tone.
“Next time when I come back, I’ll try to stay here----- dad”
His face instantly brightened when I called him dad and I am happy to leave this place without any regrets. I know I will forgive him some day after all I can’t keep remembering what he did to me those six months and forget the remaining years where he never once gave me a reason to doubt him as my dad.
We walked away from him and got into Jason’s car just as he gunned the engine. I waved my dad as we moved away from his house towards the city.
“Umm.. You want to meet your mom? She might be at your old place” Jason asked calmly.
“No” My reply was instant.
“Do you think she is responsible for everything?”
“You know the answer Jace. My dad has every reason to be upset at her; he did so much for her and what did she give him in return?”
“You can’t back him up after everything he did to you”
“I am not. What I am saying is she is more responsible for the mess than him. She was the one who took advantage of his love and yet lied to him. He wouldn’t be like that in the first place if it’s not for her”
“Your mom must have done that for you. She must have thought having a child of his own might lessen his love for you; she did what she thought was best for you”
“I know. But that doesn’t make her right”
“I can’t believe you are siding with him” He chided impatiently
“You don’t know how amazing he had been Jace, how caring and protective he had been. I re-remember the day he blackmailed the teacher who beat me because I didn’t do my homework, I-- I remember the day he almost killed the doctor when I cried from the pain of injection, I—I----”
“Shush!! I am sorry, please don’t cry” Jason stopped the car hugging me as we sat there in silence until my sobs subsided.
“God!! I am such a cry baby” I shrieked pulling out of his arms while Jace simply chuckled.
“I am sorry. I should have stayed calm” Jason said scratching his head.
“That’s ok. I just remembered all the happy times I spent with him and couldn’t ---- He—He treated me like a princess. I was always a daddy’s girl”
He frowned and seemed to be lost in thoughts looking ahead of us. “What happened Jace?”
He turned to me with a sad look “I can’t believe we had a similar drama in our lives”
I gasped in confusion “What do you mean?”
He didn’t say anything while I voiced my doubts “Please don’t tell me Mark isn’t your dad”
His head instantly snapped towards me “How did you guess?”
“What the heck. What happened Jason? Tell me”
“Shit happened” he replied with a serious look on his face.
“Please tell me what happened”
“Mark is not my father. My- My dad died when I was four years old”
That explains why I didn't find any similarities between him and Mark the first time I saw him; they looked completely different. At least in my case I thought I inherited my chocolate brown eyes from Daniel.
“B—But you call him dad” He shrugged as I added “How did your dad die?”
“Committed suicide. I didn’t know Mark wasn’t my dad until I was 14.”
I gasped in shock; never had I thought Jason had a terrible past like mine.
“Why? Why did he--”
“Because he loved my mom. And that’s what love does; it breaks your heart”
“I don’t follow you Jace”
“My dad loved my mom so much that he killed himself seeing her cheat on him”
Holy Shit
“I am sorry” He nodded while I added “Where does Mark come in picture?”
He chuckled humorlessly “She cheated on with him”
“W-What? But he seemed good and----”
“He didn’t know she was married”
“How did you know about this?” I asked calmly.
“One night when my parents returned from work, they were arguing in their room as usual while I was walking to the kitchen. Since I was used to it I didn’t bother to check on them until I heard my name. Out of curiosity I hid in their doorway and heard my mom yell at him ‘You are not their father and I am going to take them with me’”
“I asked Mark about it the next day and he replied its true; I had the biggest shock of my life that day. Apparently he married my mom because he felt guilty for my dad’s death and our broken family; he didn’t want me and Elle to be fatherless”
“Wow. He is—amazing. Isn’t he? Who’d do that? Do you remember your dad?”
“No, I don’t even have the faintest memory of him. As long as I know Mark is my dad not just for taking me and Elle as his kids but also for putting up with a woman like my mom. He fought with her almost every day during my childhood; my mom didn’t stop sleeping around with different guys even after everything happened. He truly is a gentleman for putting up with her shit”
“Elle knows about it? That Mark isn’t your dad” I asked curiously.
“No. Only Gabe knows that and now you!! But she always had a doubt that our mom is cheating on him” he said finally looking at me.
I moved closer to him and kissed him on the forehead “Did your father call you Jace?”
His eyes widened in shock “How did you know?”
“I had given it a thought so many times but never understood why you didn’t want anyone to call you Jace. That’s the only possible explanation now”
He smiled slightly as if remembering something “Mark gave me a video cassette that day and said it’s the only thing he recovered from our old house when he helped us move from my father’s city”
“What’s in it?”
“My father laughing and running after a 3 year old me shouting my name ‘Jace’. I didn’t want anyone to call me Jace ever since that day since I don’t want to remember him every time someone called me that. So, I just--”
“You need not tell me anything Jason, I understand. If you want me to stop calling you Jace I will---”
“No” He blurted out “Don’t stop please. I like it when you call me that”
I smiled and kissed the corner of his lips whispering “I won’t stop”
He smiled and kissed my hand just as I said “Let’s go”
That moment made me realize that nothing matters anymore as long as I am with him; not even if he never professed his love to me because that moment I realized he might be already in love with me, unknowingly.
---
Thank you for reading. Please consider voting if you liked it.
Last chap from Anna's POV. There are still a couple more chapters for the story to complete.
I hope this chap answered every doubt you had since the first chap. This was the toughest one to write and I remember the migraine I had for 4 days after writing this one.
The story of Jace is known to Gabe, Anna and Lily - Read the conversation b/n Jason and Lily in Chapter 13 to understand it properly bcoz I am sure you would have misunderstood about it then.
Thank you Arnav_Khushi, snowflake_pink, Mystery_Milk, PoohKhimz, blackwing21 and my most recent reader LikeABoss4evah for your support to the story.
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- Janaki
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