Chapter 10 - I don't deserve her
--JASON--
Being with Anna is so easy. The way she apologized without any ego or pride made me like her more.
I don't know why it felt so bad hearing that I am no one to make her decisions because what she said was true.
In spite of knowing that she was staring at me, I ignored her as I was pissed off by her comment. If it's not for Gabe who told me to wait as he's got work to do at library, I would have left school by now.
I am glad I waited, though I am still confused what he wants to do at library at this hour.
We walked down the grounds together after her bone-breaking hug. I am not complaining since she hugs me like a teddy bear that she doesn't want to lose which is kind of err---sweet.
It surprised me how the innocent and shy Anna Haven who didn't talk to me on our first meeting said all that to me in addition to apologizing.
If she can do that to save our friendship, then I should protect her at any cost.
But is that what we are? Just friends?
I can't deny the urge I felt to kiss her after history class when we were so close to each other. It would have almost happened if she hadn't stepped back.
But, what does she want from me?
I know she finds me hot. But is that reason simple enough to like someone?
Gabe told me last week that Anna looks at me, in an affectionate way during our common lunches. He said that there is a high possibility that she likes me too, though I never accepted his accusations of liking her.
If what he said is true, then what am I supposed to do? Ask her out?
But what if he's wrong?
Am I being paranoid? May be.
Ugh. So many unanswered questions.
There is a high chance that he isn't true since Anna is not interested in dating. Moreover, she is too good for me. I don't deserve her.
What about Cheryl and the deal we had?
I am stuck in my inner turmoil until I felt a tap on my shoulder only to see Anna frowning at me.
"You spaced out. I didn't realize that you aren't listening" she stated.
"I am sorry. What were you saying?"
"I am sorry for all that happened today--"
I interjected with a smile "You apologized a million times already. Stop saying it because I should be the one to say sorry for snapping at you. I am so---"
"That's OK. You were angry" She said shrugging casually.
"Then the same goes for you too. Now that we forgave each other, I think this is the first time I saw you angry" I replied, putting both of my hands in my side pockets.
"May be the last if you behave properly" she smirked.
"When was the last time you were angry?" I asked, genuinely interested to know about her.
The smirk on her face wiped off and she cleared her throat before replying "Long back. Like years"
To say I am shocked would be an understatement because this is the first time I heard someone say they weren't angry for years.
"Why? Not that it's a bad thing but why weren't you?"
She took time to reply "I didn't have anyone to be angry at. I was hurt most of the times but not angry"
The way she said those words, painful and defeated made me embrace her once again for the second time that day as I stood there listening to her heartbeat.
"I am sorry for ruining your shirt" she said, getting away from me.
"That's OK. I heard NaCl is good for clothes" I joked, trying to lighten her mood.
She smiled "Shall we go then? I am late for work"
I caught her wrist before she could get into my car and said in an honest tone "Don't ever say you don't have anyone because I'll always be there for you; even if you don't want me to"
"I know" she replied with a smile.
"Why were you hurt Anna? Who did that to you?" I asked slowly.
She stiffened a bit but answered nonetheless "I didn't have friends these past few years, Jason. I was an outcast in every school but that didn't stop people from bullying me and I had no one to defend me. I tried to be invisible but it didn't work out"
I sighed, understanding why she is so desperate to have me back as her friend.
She must have suffered a lot in the past and doesn't want to lose her only friend apart from Em. That explains why Gabe feels she looks at me affectionately. It's because she cares about me.
Though it's clear she is hiding a bigger truth, I let it go as I don't want to upset her more.
As I got into the driver seat, I suddenly remembered the reason I stayed in school and groaned impatiently.
"What happened?" Anna asked anxiously.
"Gabe. He told me to wait. I forgot about that. Do you mind if we wait? I will call him" I pleaded.
"Not necessary. He left" she mumbled, looking anywhere but me.
"What? Why would he? He told me to---" I stopped, seeing her guilty look "What is it?"
"Err--He--I mean we--we planned to get you--alone with me so--so--we can resolve our differences" She stuttered before blurting out "I am sorry"
"Both of you planned this? To get me talk to you?" I asked, shocked by her explanation.
She nodded fearfully.
"You asked him for help?" I asked, amused that she went to Gabe for help.
She doesn't talk to anyone. Does she?
She shook her head "He said he would help"
"And you agreed" She nodded "Just like that?"
"I kissed him and said that I love him" she blurted out, still looking scared.
She kissed Gabe?
She kissed my best friend to win me back?
He is not interested in her, right? Or is he?
What if he turned straight and wanted her? Is that even possible?
"It's not what you think" Her voice snapped me out of my ridiculous thoughts.
"What?" I asked, not understanding what she's trying to say.
"It's only on the cheek" she replied, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.
I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding.
"So you love him, huh?" I asked, feeling stupid and she blushed.
"No! I told him playfully. Not in a serious way. I said I love him for helping me"
"What did he say?" I asked eagerly. I know Gabe would laugh at me if he knows that I am thinking of him as a competition.
She grinned "He said he loves me too but I am not his type"
I grinned back at her, hearing my best friend's typical reply and started the engine of my car.
We are driving through the familiar streets when she asked slowly, in almost a whisper "So. Um- Gabe is gay?"
"You already know that. Why are you asking?"
"It--It's because he doesn't look like---gay"
"What do you mean he doesn't look like gay?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road though I wanted to see her reaction.
"I mean, he is kind of--hot. From what I read in romance books, they are supposed to be sensitive and little----girly"
I scowled "Stereotyped. Not all of them are like that"
I don't know why Anna's interest in Gabe is irritating me.
Is it because she thinks he is hot?
Does that mean she fancies him?
"You—You like him?" I asked, trying to confirm my suspicions.
"What? No!! I mean yes. I mean, not like that. He is a good guy; amazing in fact. But I don't feel anything for him. He can be a really great friend though"
I sighed again; happy that she doesn't have feelings for him. But she did say, he is hot.
"How did his parents react about it?" she asked anxiously.
"They were surprised first but stood by him. They are educated and open minded. So it wasn't difficult to confess" I admitted.
She nodded and I added hastily "Elle was very upset"
I don't know why I confessed something that's not my secret but my sister's.
It might be because she became a close friend to me in such a short span of time and I know that I can trust her more than anyone.
"Why?" she asked, looking confused before a look of understanding crossed her face.
"She fancied him?" she asked in surprise.
I shook my head "Loved him"
"Oh My God. She must be devastated then. Poor Elle. How did she cope up?" she asked, looking concerned.
"Time changes everything Anna. She got over him" I responded.
"Oh. But they would have made a great couple" She said with a grin.
I smiled and she added "Now that you said about this, it's really weird that your sisters love their brother's best friends. So cheesy"
"You know about Jamie?"
"Of course I knew. Emily told me. Moreover, I'd have to be blind to not understand that" she replied.
"So. What do you think about her?"
"I think she is cool. I like her" She smiled.
Never have I thought someone from our group might like Jamie.
She didn't fail to surprise me, yet again.
"Why? Were you not irritated by her attention seeking attitude?"
"Is she wrong? Yes. But she is honest unlike some people who act like a very good person outside but is actually a bitch within. The best thing about her is that she is not acting like someone she is not"
I looked her at in awe, momentarily stopping the car thinking how she can be so positive about people. She is really awesome which made me confirm that I don't deserve her.
Once I realized I am staring at her, I turned my attention back to the road and pressed on the accelerator, trying hard not to think about the amazing girl beside me.
"Why are we going this way?" she asked, noticing that we aren't going the usual way.
I had to take the longest route to be with her for more time and she didn't notice it till now.
"I forgot to take left in the junction" I lied easily, making her nod.
She cleared her throat "Um. So, what are you going to do about her?"
"Who? Jamie?" I asked and she nodded "What should I do about her?"
"Don't treat her like she's nothing" She responded.
"I'll try" I replied with a smile, stopping the car beside the entrance of the store.
"Not trying mister. You have to. She's really in love with you" she reminded.
"What do you suggest I do then? Marry her and live happily ever after?" I snapped, annoyed for bringing Jamie's topic again.
She flinched "If someone loves you desperately doesn't mean they're clingy or idiotic. It means you have a person who'd do anything for you and support you no matter what. You don't know how lucky you are to be loved by so many people"
Having said that, she got down the car and snapped the door shut with a light thud before running into the store.
I feel like an idiot for snapping at her, yet again after promising that I will always be there for her.
I need not look at her face to know that she is sobbing. Thinking of her tear strained face pained me and I ran after her, not bothering to park the car properly.
I saw her coming out of the 'Employees only' room in an apron and setting up items at the shelves.
"I am sorry Anns" I said slowly once I reached her and hugged her from behind, wrapping my arms around her stomach.
What's with me and hugging Anna?
I never do this with anyone apart from my sister Elle.
"It's alright " she sighed, turning to me.
" It's not. You should not forgive me easily. I don't deserve it"
She winced at my tone but replied smiling "So you think I shouldn't forgive you. Yet, you say sorry?"
"I guess so" I replied with a grin.
She grinned back at me before nudging me to get out and let her do her job. After bantering about how she shouldn't tell customers to get out, I finally left the store leaving her to work in peace.
****
Monday is my least favorite day since it's the farthest day for weekend. This time I hated it more, remembering my yet to be started assignment. I should've worked on it, the last weekend but being the lazy ass that I am, I spent time watching soccer matches and movies, ignoring Em's protests.
Now, I have 4 days to complete it, without having a clue about what to do.
Em told me that Anna almost completed her assignment working throughout the weekend with barely 5 hours of sleep, a day. She had a night out on Friday and slept in the morning since her shift on Saturday was evening.
She was working and yet, she was able to finish it; alone. I felt guilty as she had to do it without Josh's help because of me.
I invited Emily to my house for doing the assignment but apart from deciding the country, we didn't make any progress. All our time is spent in bickering and arguing.
On Tuesday, Anna informed us that she completed her assignment and Gabe asked her to help with his'.
She agreed instantly.
When he asked her to come with him and Blake to library, she looked at me for my permission. Seeing Gabe pout, I accepted reluctantly.
Soon I joined them in the library with Em but failed to concentrate, seeing Blake trying to touch Anna frequently.
She shuffled uneasily every time he went close and I fisted my hands to stop myself from strangling that bastard. Once Gabe understood what's happening, he sat between both of them in spite of Blake's protests.
Though Em and I had a start, we still have a long way to go.
After school ended, I went to Emily's house on her request. We worked in her room, with our respective laptops simultaneously.
As time passed, my anticipation to see Anna increased and I waited for her to return from work instead of worrying about my incomplete project.
"She will be home in 10 minutes" Em said with an amused smile.
"What? Who?" I said, trying to act dumb.
She rolled her eyes "You know who. She won't magically appear in front of my door all of a sudden"
"I don't know what you are talking about" I said, glaring at her.
"Cut the act Jason. I see you looking at the door every few minutes"
Before I could say anything, she retorted "Shut up and concentrate"
Like she predicted, exactly 10 minutes later, faint sounds came from downstairs followed by Lily calling us for dinner.
Saving my work, I quickly shut my laptop and got up little too eagerly, earning a chuckle from Emily.
"Shut up Em" I snapped at her, rushing downstairs only to be surprised seeing a distraught Anna. Her eyes are swollen red and she looked very tired.
Lily is pleading her to eat something while Anna denied her saying that she wants to sleep.
After promising Lily that she'd have a glass of milk, she strolled towards the stairs; finally noticing me.
She gave a small smile, one which didn't reach her eyes and it confirmed my doubt that something serious happened.
When she's about to cross me, I caught her wrist and turned to her side "What's wrong Anna?"
"Nothing. I am just tired" she said, trying to smile again but failed miserably.
"Don't lie to me Anns. I know something's wrong the second I saw you. Tell me Anns. What's wrong?" I asked calmly.
Tears filled her eyes as she bit her bottom lip with her teeth, trying not to break down.
I hugged her and whispered soothing words, massaging the back of her spine with my hand.
Through out the whole time, Emily is watching us with a serious look until Lily gave her a glass of milk to put in Anna's room.
After a few minutes, I let her go before wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her along with me to her room.
I placed her on bed, giving her the glass of milk that's on the night stand.
She drank the whole in a single gulp without complaining and lied down on the bed, eyeing the ceiling with a blank look on her face.
"Will you tell me what happened?" I asked slowly.
She flinched and I regretted asking her.
"Is it OK if you sleep now and we'll talk about this later?" I mumbled calmly, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.
She nodded gratefully, giving me a small smile.
Covering a blanket on top of her, I sat down beside her, taking her hand into my own and rubbed the back of her palm with my thumb.
I kissed her forehead and whispered 'good night'; not leaving her room.
A few minutes later, she fell asleep and I left her hand, walking back to the dining where Lily and Emily are waiting for me.
"What happened?" Em asked impatiently.
"I don't know. She is scared and didn't answer me" I replied, feeling helpless.
"Is she fine?" Lily asked in a concerned tone.
"I think so. She is sleeping at the moment"
"Fine. Both of you, EAT. Emily told me that you have lot to do" Lily ordered.
After dinner, both of us went back to her room and continued working for few hours until Emily complained of back pain and we got up, stretching ourselves.
"What?" I finally asked Em, seeing her questioning stares.
"What's with you and Anna? And don't you dare tell me it's nothing" she said in a serious tone.
"We are friends and have grown close, these past few days" I gave an honest reply.
"Are you sure? Because I've never seen you hug any friend of yours and you two seemed comfortable in each other's arms" she asked with a smirk.
"I was only----"
"Yeah. Whatever" she rolled her eyes and lied down on her bed stretching her arms and legs.
"I don't understand when they will accept their feelings for each other" she whispered to herself.
I pretended that I didn't hear her although I wanted to ask if she thinks Anna likes me and if there could be a chance between us, but being the dumb-ass I am, I didn't.
After our short break, we got back to working until we heard a low pitched scream coming from one of the rooms in the house.
Emily scooted close to me, panicked by the sound but I have other things in my mind.
What if it's Anna?
The second the thought passed my mind, I rushed into Anna's room, not bothering to knock and found her crying with her eyes closed, while thrashing her arms and legs furiously.
I ran to her bed and shook her shoulders, trying to wake her up, but she is sobbing in her sleep, not responding to my pleas. It's only after I shook her violently, she finally woke up from her nightmare.
Jesus Christ. She looked terrible.
After few minutes, her sobs subsided but she still looked terrified.
Emily gave me a glass of water and I helped Anna get up and take few sips from it.
"Em.. Go to sleep" I said, finally breaking the silence.
"But we have to do—"
"It can wait. Just go and sleep" I ordered.
"What about her? She can't be left—"
"I will stay with her" I continued in the same tone.
"Fine" She huffed before whispering 'good night' and 'take care' to Anna.
After she left, I turned to Anna "Go to sleep"
"I can't" she croaked dryly.
"Don't worry. I will be here. You need to rest" I said softly.
She sighed, lying down on the bed before moving to the other end to give me space.
I lied down beside her trying to sleep but couldn't, with the thoughts of what happened to her, running in my mind.
Realizing that she's having trouble sleeping too, I pulled her to my side and wrapped my hand around her waist "Everything's going to be alright, I promise"
She nodded and I added softly "Don't think about anything. I am here"
Running my palm over the length of her arm, I whispered "Good night Anns"
And fell sleep.
---
Thank you for reading.. Press the star button if you liked the chapter.
-Janaki
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