happy chaos...
- Should we murder the cake? – Kelley showed off her English language skill.
Yep. Sure. Let's murder the cake, Kelley.
- I'll get the knife. – Pinoe run in the kitchen and didn't forget to drag Sky with her.
- Just leave Sky here, Jesus. What's wrong with you? – Crystal threw an empty Styrofoam cup at Pi while chuckling over the fact that she couldn't even leave Sky alone for even one sec.
Pinoe rubbed her head where Crystal hit the exact target that she aimed, then laughed at herself and replied:
- Ali uses her knifes as dumbbells, so it's very fucking heavy alright? I need an extra hand.
- Bullshit. – Ash said while giggling at Pinoe's ridiculous ass.
She immediately threw another cup at Pinoe after that, then reached her leg out to kick Pi's butt jokingly.
- QUICK! I WANT MY CAKE! – HAO threw another cup which hit Skylar's head instead, but it helped make all of us burst out of laughter so Sky's pain was worth it.
I got passed a piece of cake from Melvin, so I slightly pushed it towards her without making any eye contact.
- Thank you. – her voice got so small that only I could hear it.
- No worries. – I replied while trying my best to keep my voice from being shaky.
- We need to give the kids their cake too. – Kameryn who was responsible for cutting the birthday cake said.
- I'll...
Just when Pinoe raised her hand for volunteer, I stole her chance:
- I'll do it.
Then I quickly grabbed a tray from Ali's hand and waited for Kameryn to put all the plates on top. I pretended to not see the weird looks from everyone in the room questioning my strange energy for being voluntary.
Sorry, guys. I just needed to get the fuck outta here for a few seconds, otherwise I would turn fucking crazy for pretending like I was ok with all the things she just casually told me after all those years not letting me at least know about her existence on Earth. She suddenly evaporated, and now appeared just to say shit like that to shock the hell out of my fragile heart.
Fuck, I love her so much, so this was just too much for me to handle. I really needed a minute out of her sight, so I could be able to breathe again. Jesus, my heart was burning sitting next to her fucking perfect self and knowing that I somewhat ruined her marriage.
After I put down the tray and distributed all the plates of cake out to all the kids, I walked aside and tried to inhale some fresh air. All of a sudden, something touched my leg which made me lower my head and look down.
I immediately smiled like an idiot without any preparation. I was just naturally so happy to see her adorable and innocent face.
- Hi, little thing. How can I help you? – I bent down on one knee and held her tiny little body in my arms.
- I know where I see you.
My heart danced like crazy as soon as that cute voice raised.
- Where? – I asked without any actual requirement of an explanation from what she just said.
- Mommy's photobook. I see you, and the pink-haired lady, and the tattooed lady, and the hair-in-a-bun lady, and so many pretty ladies, I also see Mommy smile so big and look very very happy standing beside you.
Ok, so she saw me, Megan Rapinoe, Ashlyn Harris, Ali Krieger, her Mom and other teammates. So basically she was talking about the possibility that her Mom was looking through a photobook taken of all of us together back in the golden days.
- Your Mom might have missed her friends so much. All of us used to play soccer together. Do you know what soccer is?
She nodded her head with this bright sunshine smile across her goddamn cute face.
She nodded and purely described soccer in her own words:
- It's a bunch of people running and kicking one ball. – and she was very proud of her answer too.
I laughed and rubbed her head, then nodded to admit that she was totally right.
- Your Mom was the best baller I've ever played with.
- But she said someone else was the best. – the little girl fought immediately as if I said something against God's will.
Jesus Christ, she's fucking cute. I can't.
- Oh, who is that then? – I just asked to please the little lady.
- Robin! – she excitedly yelled out the name.
I laughed it off and rubbed her little cute head.
- Ok. Robin it is. – I winked.
Although I didn't know who the hell Robin was but if it made Heather happy then I would pretend like I knew about that Robin motherfucker's existence.
- TOBIN! GET INSIDE! WE'RE OPENING CHAMPAGNE! – Pinoe's scream sent my ears deaf.
- Coming! Jesus. – I laughed.
- Are you having fun? – I asked the final question before I headed inside.
She sweetly nodded and smiled to the brightest.
- I really like them. – she said.
- That's so good, Heather. – I gladly squeezed her little shoulders with the clear excitement on my face.
- I really like you, too. – her sweet angelic voice said.
- Aw. I really like you too, Heather. – I grinned ear to ear.
Not gonna lie. Nothing's nicer than hearing someone actually say they like you.
- Listen, if you wanna eat something, tell Kai, he's gonna get some nice things for you. – I told her.
She nodded with those innocent brown and clear-like-crystals eyes blinking while looking at me.
Look at that adorable little face! Can she just be my daughter already? Jesus, I shouldn't have reconsidered to become a single mom a few years ago. That was such a coward moment of mine.
I brushed off a bit of dirt on her sleeve and continued:
- If you wanna take a cool shower and change into something comfortable, just tell Hermione, she'll help you.
- Hermie? – she asked, tilting her little head.
- Yeh yeh, Hermie. – I smiled.
They must have played real hard out here. Every single one of them was a cute mess with dirt and mud all over their clothes, and their heads smelt like fresh grass. They all probably would need a good shower afterwards.
- Alright, I'm going to go inside. We'll talk later, ok? – I assured her.
- Ok. – her eyes curved when she smiled.
Just as I reached the door that connected the backyard and the inside, she said loudly from behind:
- 17 is my favorite number!
I smiled while turning back to have a look at her.
- Mine too. – I responded.
As soon as I stepped inside, a hand has already been on me and pulling me towards the table.
- Quickly, you turtle ass.
Bingo! It's Pinoe.
I laughed at what she was doing.
- What is the rush for? – I asked while following her forceful lead without complaining a word.
She rolled her eyes at me, then went:
- It's fuckin champagne, Tobin.
I was pressed to sit down by Pinoe, so it wasn't so much awkward to sit next to Chris again, because from all eyes in this room's witness, I was forced to sit down by Pinoe who had literally no idea.
- Alright, ready bitches?! – Syd screamed from the top of her lungs.
- Ready! – Everyone excitedly yelled.
- Ready. – I didn't know if I was since my mind was a mess, so I just followed them.
Gosh I wanna change seat. I couldn't live like this anymore.
Not for my readiness, as soon as Syd flicked the lid, the foam was sprayed everywhere, my chest crashed into something so soft and warm, but I didn't mind much because it was chaotic in this room which distracted me from myself and my own feelings and actions. I quickly scanned my eyes over my people and realized each other them was trying to protect the love of their life from the harmless champagne foam.
Pinoe was covering for Sky as she bent over to hug her wife who was bending down hiding in Pi's chest. Ali and Ashlyn tried to cover for one another with their hands over each other's head. Alyssa was holding Mellie really tight into her like they were smashed into one. Kelley pulled her shirt over Kameryn's head and hugged it. Julie and Crystal got under the table together, God know what the hell they did down there. HAO was all by herself shielding her head with an empty plate after she threw the food on the table (she'll definitely go to hell for wasting food). And when I came back to myself, I realized that I was also trying to protect someone so subconsciously that I didn't even notice my own action.
Christen Press's face was being pressed against my chest as my arms pulled her neck into me.
When everyone got back to their previous position and laughed about the whole thing which all of us being so extra since it was just fucking champagne foam but not grenades or gunfire, my hands just went weak and spontaneously released her before anyone caught us, or should I say caught me being all weird?
I inhaled strongly and told her without looking into her eyes:
- I'm sorry. /Thank you. – we softly said at the same time.
- You're welcome. / No, it's fine. – we did it again which made my cheeks start to burn.
I was so surprised that my eyes dared find their ways to look at her after replying to each other in unison. When our eyes met, I was just incredibly stunned by how powerful a stare from her could do to me. I stood still like an idiot as I panicked internally and didn't know what to do next, until she suddenly bursted out laughing, which broke all the awkwardness between the two of us and made me chuckle after her as well.
I took a tiny sip of my champagne and immediately heard sentences next to my ear:
- You know you don't have to do anything about that. I don't come back to mess up your life, I'm just here after many years to simply celebrate Ali's birthday and then show Heather how the place where her mother was born looks like. I just wanted to be honest with myself so I wouldn't have any regrets in the future after our today's encounter.
She stopped talking, my heart also seemed like it stopped beating at the exact same moment.
- Tobin.
I couldn't help but turned my head to look at her once my name was called.
- I never wanna hurt anyone.
The way her eyes saddened as she talked killed me badly, so couldn't she just stop? I knew she didn't mean to but she actually hurt the soul out of me even when she's only breathing.
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make everything awkward, I just...
- You need time to confront. I understand. – she said thoughtfully.
- Thank you. – I faintly smiled.
- Don't make it seem like everything remaining between us is "sorries" and "thank yous".
I bit on my bottom lip as my mind got blocked as I couldn't think of anything other than her sorrow looking eyes, which made me not know what to reply.
- Sor... - I mentally slapped myself for almost saying another "sorry." - I mean I won't. – I talked so fast as I was nervous.
- Why does Skylar become the owner of a hair salon? – Pinoe chuckled a bit.
Her voice suddenly stood out which drew my attention, so I spontaneously turned my head and looked at her instead of dealing with my own problem right now.
She let out a little laugh.
- Cos I once said for fun that I wished I could get a free haircut every week for the rest of my life, since you know how much money I have had to spend on hair. Just look at my short ass hair, and I also have to keep dying it so It won't get dark cos I hate my original hair color so much. So my wife deadass went to study about hair and built a whole freakin hair salon from her long time saved up.
This story made me smile.
Yep. That's definitely something Skylar would do.
- It sounds like a joke but one of Megan's playful wishes could actually lead to my future. Who would have known I would love the hell out of this job? I'm still surprised until now. – she sounded very grateful while staring into Pinoe's eyes so lovingly.
God, the way they've love each other for years and years sores my heart. What do I have to give up on to have a love like theirs?
I took a glimpse at Christen, so I accidentally caught her genuine smile while she was looking at Skylar so warmly.
Everyone was surprised about this but Christen undeniably wasn't, that's why she only smiled when the rest of us were gasping air for survival because we were startled by the story that Pinoe just shared. I think Christen just knew her bestfriend too well, that's why she looked so chill.
All I know is that Skylar is an orphan. Since her orphanage's principle, who she loved like her own mother, passed away a few months after their wedding back in 2019, Pinoe has become the one and only family member of her own. Her entire world literally is named after her wife's name "Megan Anna Rapinoe." You will definitely freak the fuck out if you find out just how much Skylar loves Pinoe. More than the phrase "so much" that we have always used, or more than anything that words can be put into to describe. She would destroy herself for Megan if needed.
To add to that, in my humble and subjective opinion, when people say someone is their everything, they just say like it really is, but in fact, that someone is only a huge part of their everything. However, when Skylar says it, Pinoe really is her everything. Skylar seriously wouldn't be able to survive if something ever happened to Pinoe. I can guarantee that no one in this world can possibly love someone as much as Skylar Blue Rapinoe loves her Megan. She would die for Megan, would sacrifice everyone and everything to make Megan happy. Even the word that she's spoken the most every single day since I knew them together is "Meg." Pinoe really is the only thing that keeps her grounded and alive. Everyone that knows them knows this. The love that them two have for each other, we can just wish but will never be fulfilled.
- Not only Megan can have free haircut for the rest of her life but my family, your family, your family's families. Am I right, ladies? – Kelley spit truth again, which poked all of us to giggle for a whole minute.
- Do Heather and I get this type of privilege too or we're completely outcasted? – Christen asked.
Sky gave her a side-eye and went:
- Heather is one of us, but our evil ass isn't so you will have to pay triple. Sorry not sorry.
Sky's cute bitterness in her voice cracked us up once again.
- Wow, that's really harsh, Mrs. Pinoe. – Christen pretentiously pouted at her bestfriend, which made everyone laugh, but made me almost have a heart attack.
Fuck, that was so dangerously close. I nearly leaned in and kissed the shit out of those lips.
- Alright. Alright. You too, you too. – Skylar waved her hand to show forgiveness and her generosity.
- I owe you this life, Mrs. Pinoe.
Sky grinned ear to ear as she heard herself being called Mrs. Pinoe for the second time.
- You're welcome, you witch.
She loooooooves being called Mrs. Pinoe. This little shit really is addicted to her own wife. I just can't even. I give up.
Their little conversion was the chance for me to be a sneaky bastard at the table. I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't stop turning my head to look at Chris. Her smile never changes and I love that.
- It's so good to see you smile.
Shit, I didn't mean to say that out loud.
Fuck.
I immediately realized that it wasn't my mind that said it to myself, so I turned away as soon as I found out.
- It's so good to have you in my heart this whole time. – she said.
I shot my eyes wide open and turned over to look at her as soon as I heard that. Did I just fucking hear it wrong? Because the Chris I knew would never say that out loud, I swear to God.
- That wasn't an accident. I wanted to tell you this this whole time. – she continued.
- Thank you. For... uhm... keeping me grounded in all these years, I guess. – she smiled to me, the one that let her go without even trying to hold on to her for one last time.
She breathed out slowly but I could hear the heaviness in her voice. Her slightly shaking voice crushed my heart into a mess:
- Knowing that you exist somewhere out there meant a lot for a mother who doesn't love her child's father enough. – she licked her lips and never cut our eye contact.
Back in the day, whenever she licked her lips, it meant she was fighting back the tears and trying to not let anyone see her weak side.
- You know... I've thought about this a lot, and the more I thought, the more I realized that we're not born to be together. You don't belong with me, Tobin Heath. So, Tobin. Don't mind the fact that I'm still somewhere in the world. Let's start to date someone nice, and then build a family with them, throw a roof over their head, have children if you want, and love your life because I can't love it for you forever.
She looked over to another direction which my eyes followed her.
- You see how Megan and Skylar live? – she smiled because she was happy for them.
- You see how Ali and Ashlyn share their lives for twenty years and still counting?
- You see how Kelley and Kameryn act like little kids fighting and bickering, but then falling in love all over again once tomorrow comes?
- You see how Zach and Julie being each other's legitimate rock every time life gets hard?
- You see how Crystal and Pierre being two completely different individuals who share nothing in common in their personalities but still make their marriage work beautifully?
- You see how HAO and Syd act so different when they're around their kids?
- Live like them, Tobin. Be happy just like the way our friends are happy with their lives.
- Don't let me be the reason to hold you back.
Instead of getting worked up at her disrespectful ass and telling her to shut the fuck up, I still sat there like a statue and let her run her mouth like she was right and that I would do whatever the fuck she told me to do.
Why wouldn't her self-centered ass understand? That the reason I haven't seen anyone in all these years wasn't because of her. I just didn't wanna hurt anyone because I knew that I would never give them the kind of love that they wished. I can't love anymore. I am incapable of loving and accepting to be loved. That's the reason. Jesus, that woman really thought she was so important that I had to stay single because of her.
Wake up, Christen Press. I was the way I was just because I, myself couldn't do any other way.
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