Chapter 7: Alcohol
#DS8Uncovered #LuMa #BearCouple #DaggerSeries
CHAPTER 7: ALCOHOL
LUNA'S POV
A few years ago...
I'm tired, and yet I'm here in a dimly lit bar. Kahit gusto ko ng magpahinga ay parang hindi rin mangyayari 'yon kung uuwi kaagad ako. I-o-overthink ko lang lahat. And another thing that I really really would rather not think about right now.
Hindi naman ako magpapakalasing. Balak ko lang magpatay ng oras para pag-uwi ko ay diretso tulog na lang ako.
I maneuvered my way through the crowd, and I headed straight towards the bar counter. Pero bago pa ako makarating doon ay kaagad nakuha ng atensyon ko ang bulto ng isang lalaki na pamilyar na pamilyar sa akin.
I haven't seen him in awhile. The last time I did was during my brother's proposal to Lucienne. What are the chances that I will get to see him here? Especially when he's the other thing that I try not to think of as much as I can.
Mukha kasing hindi effective ang "out of sight, out of mind" kapag siya ang involve dahil panay pa rin ang dalaw niya sa utak ko kahit na hindi ko naman siya nakikita. I need to consciously block him off my mind.
I inhaled a huge breath and held it in for a few seconds before slowly releasing it. I squared my shoulders before approaching the bar.
Imbis na lumapit sa upuan na nasa dulo na siyang balak ko kanina ay naglakad ako papunta sa bakanteng upuan na nasa tabi niya. I pulled myself up on the high stool, expertly settling myself on it.
"Mukhang hindi na kita kailangan tanungin kung kamusta ka." He didn't look up from the glass of spirit in front of him as if he didn't hear me. "You're out of your wheelchair, so that's a good thing, right? You can save me a dance at the wedding."
It looks like it was the right thing to say to get his attention because he finally looked up.
Magnus looks disheveled, which is far from the clean look he's always sporting. Magulo ang buhok niya at halata sa mga mata niya na marami na siyang nainom dahil bahagya ng namumula ang mga iyon.
"Dawson," he murmured.
"Luna na lang para bagay sa kagandahan ko. Kapag Dawson kasi feeling ko isa sa mga kuya ko ang kausap mo o gusto mong makausap." I beamed at the bartender, who gave me a nod and a gesture to give him one second. Nilingon ko si Magnus. "Ikaw? Wala ka bang nickname?"
"Wala."
"How about Mags? It sounds cool. Shortened term for a gun's magazines," sabi ko at umakto pa akong bumabaril.
"No."
"Then when about honey? Love? Sweetheart?" Nang lumalalim ang gatla sa noo niya ay napangisi ako. "Mags is it then!"
The bartender chose that time to approach us. I gave him my order before I turned to Magnus again. "So... bakit ka napadpad dito?"
"Bakit ba pumupunta ang mga tao sa bar?" balik tanong niya sa akin.
"Para uminom." When he gave me a pointed look, I leaned my elbow on the bar counter. Isinandal ko ang baba ko sa kamay ko at pinakatitigan ko siya. "But that's the general reason. Iyong iba pumupunta rito para maglibang, may iba dahil may okasyon, may mga problemado, meron naman na naghahanap ng... you know." His eyes flashed, but he didn't say anything, so I continued, "And there are those that want to drown themselves in alcohol to forget. So alin ka sa mga 'yon?"
"Has someone told you that you ask a lot of questions?"
"I'm a journalist. It's natural for me." Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa suot ko na wristwatch. "Well, a freelance journalist as of an hour and twenty-two minutes ago."
"You were fired?" he asked in surprise.
Nagpasalamat ako sa bartender nang ibaba niya sa harapan ko ang order ko na French 75 bago ko binalik ang atensyon ko kay Magnus. "Why is that the first thing you've thought of?"
"You don't look like a quitter."
"I'll take that as a compliment," nangingiting sabi ko. "But no, I wasn't fired. I quit. Matagal ko na ring plano. In fact, I was planning to do it next month, but I lost my temper." I raised my glass, and I took a sip. "Hence why I'm here."
"Why did you lose your temper?"
"I'm overworked." The look on his face says he doesn't believe me, so I continued, "Walang problema sa akin na magpakapagod kung gusto ko ang ginagawa ko. But I feel like I'm doing the duties of those higher up instead of doing my actual job."
"But the credit and benefit goes to them," he surmised.
"Yep."
"Then it's a good thing you quit. You won't grow in that kind of company."
What he said made me feel a bit validated. "Thank you for saying that."
He didn't say anything for a moment. I didn't push him since just like him, I was busy with my drink. Pero sa unang pagkakataon mula ng magkrus ang mga landas namin ay mukhang may energy siya na makipag-usap sa akin. Maybe it's because of the alcohol.
"Do you know where you want to work next?"
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Why? Are you offering?" Bumuka ang bibig niya pero inunahan ko siya na magsalita. "If I'm going to apply for anything concerning you, I'd rather apply to be your wife."
Naiiling na tinungga niya ang natitirang laman ng baso niya at sinenyasan niya ang bartender na ni-refill naman kaagad iyon. He's a whisky man.
"I was wondering if you already gave up, and yet here you are proving me wrong," he murmured.
"Hmm? Give up what?"
"Pretending to like me."
Sa pagkakataon na ito ay ako ang napakunot ang noo. "I wasn't pretending."
Sandaling nakatingin lang kami sa isa't isa. He was the first one to look away. "Then why didn't you visit me?"
I understand what he meant without needing to say anything more about it. It was the exact thing that I didn't want to think about. Isa sa mga rason ay dahil sa guilt.
I took a sip of my drink again before I answered, "I hate hospitals."
He was hospitalized twice, and in the last one, he almost lost his life. Even Dagger can't hide the situation for too long since it doesn't only concern their client, Lucienne. There were a lot of other victims. The news was needed to alleviate fears in the public and to show that justice had been attained.
"I sent a gift," I told him.
"You did. Thank you."
I cleared my throat, and I forced my lips to smile. "So hinahanap mo pala ako? May tampo ka ba sa akin dahil hindi kita binisita?"
He gave me a blank look. "No. I was just wondering since you keep professing your crush on me whenever our paths cross."
"Wrong. I'm professing my love for you. Crush is for children."
He shook his head, and then he went back to glowering at his drink. I know I should leave him alone, but I can't force myself to do so. Not when I've been wanting to see him for quite awhile now. But I couldn't because I was being such a wuss.
"So..."
"What?" he grumbled.
"You didn't answer my question. I told you why I'm here. How about you?"
Nang manatili siyang walang imik ay naging malaya ako na pagmasdan siya. He doesn't look sad, but rather, he looks... resigned.
"It's because of my sister-in-law, isn't it?"
"She's not your sister-in-law yet."
Gotcha. "So it is her. The reason why you're drinking." Nang manatiling tikom ang bibig niya ay umikot ako sa kinauupuan ko para magawa kong humarap sa kaniya. "Why do you like her?"
"May rason ba para hindi?"
"Stop deflecting, Mags. That won't work on me." Nakangiing tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang bumaling siya sa akin. "What is it about her that you like?"
For a moment, he said nothing. I thought I needed to press him for some answers, but to my surprise, he started talking. I sent a quiet thank you to whoever it is that invented whisky. It's basically a truth serum.
"I like that she finds joy in everything. Kahit iyong maliliit lang na mga bagay. She's talented, but she's always looking for improvement. Wala siyang ere hindi katulad ng ibang mga writer na hawak namin sa Quetzal. She always seems happy, even though her works are full of darkness." He took a long draft before he continued, "But she's alone. She locked herself in the world she made for herself without ever wanting to step outside."
"And you want to be her reason," I guessed. "You want to be the reason for her to step out of the place she's been hiding herself in for years." The way he downed the rest of his drink was enough of an answer for me. "You're a carer."
"What?"
My lips tipped up from the corners. "You want to take care of her. She's independent, but you saw the vulnerability she's trying to hide. There are a lot of things she missed out on, and you want to give them to her. You want her to be able to experience things, try those that she hasn't, feel the things she was robbed of for a long time, and feel the sun on her face without fearing it's lost once it sets. You want her to have all that, but you want her to have them with you."
The way he's looking at me, he seems to be lost for words.
"I understand, you know? The first time I saw her, I wanted her to have those too. She evokes those kinds of feelings. I wanted to be her friend. Obviously, you wanted more than that, and your feelings for her are deeper than those that just want friendship from her." Nangalumbaba ako ulit at hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kaniya. I like it when I have his eyes. Especially right now, when he's less guarded than normal. "My brother wants those too for her."
His jaw tightened. "I know."
"No, you don't." I pulled the lemon peel hanging on the side of my glass, and I played with it between my fingers. "Kuya Thorn wants all those, but that's just not it. He needs them."
I'm sure my brother tried to fight his feelings. Pagkatapos ng nangyari sa ex-girlfriend niya, para bang nawalan na siya ng gana na maghanap pa ng panibagong relasyon. I'm sure it wasn't because he's still pinning for that crazy woman, but rather because he wants to avoid being in the same situation again.
"I can't tell you how a Dawson falls in love. You wouldn't understand." At least not now. Not yet, when he's still denying that my own feelings for him are real. "But I can tell you that Kuya Thorn raised me and my other siblings when we lost our parents, and for years, that's all he has. Everything in his life are responsibilities heavily weighing on his shoulders. Kami na mga kapatid niya at ang family business namin na itinaguyod ng mga magulang namin. Then he met his ex, and that crazy woman became his responsibility as well. Even when they broke up. Because that's just who he is."
Kuya Thorn sacrificed a lot for us, but he never showed us that he was struggling. Sigurado akong hindi naging madali para sa kaniya lahat. Kahit pa sabihin na nasa tama namang edad ang ilan sa mga kapatid namin ng mga panahon na iyon at tinutulungan naman siya. But still, it was Kuya Thorn who became our parent.
"Honestly, I like her for my brother, but at first I wanted someone different for him."
There's a flicker of surprise in his eyes. It wasn't something I ever admitted or wanted to admit to anyone.
"Like what you recognized, there's a lot of things that Lucienne needs. I was afraid that my brother would just end up doing what he's always been doing, which is to keep giving. I thought that maybe the right person for him would be someone opposite. Iyong siya naman ang mabibigyan. Siya naman ang aasikasuhin. Iyong siya lang ang iisipin."
"You think it couldn't be her?"
Tumango ako. "At first. Then I realized that caring the way he does is just the way he is. Hindi iyon ang importante. What was important is what he needs, and before Lucienne, he might have wanted some things, but I never saw him need anything. Until she came into his life."
The corner of his lips tipped up a little as he swirled the glass he's holding. "Are you saying all of these because you want to tell me that your brother is better than me?"
"No. I'm telling you all of these because I want you to know that she'll be okay. You're a good man, Magnus. She could have fallen in love with you, and I'm sure that you could have made her happy."
"But?"
"But love is a fickle thing. No one can control it. You weren't lacking in any way, but it just so happens that the story written for her has my brother's name written alongside hers."
He stared at me for a few moments, as if he were trying to figure me out. Then, with a shake of his head, a full smile spread on his lips.
Wow. Ang aga namang Christmas gift nito. If he was handsome before, more so right now that his smile lights up his whole face.
"Now you just confirmed to me that you were just pretending to like me."
My forehead knotted. "I told you. I wasn't pretending."
"No sane woman will talk about another woman with the man she's supposed to like without being bothered by it. Even just a little. Yet here you are, trying to make me feel better."
"Then I'm not sane then." I let out a sigh, and I grinned at him. "You'll believe me one day. But just so you know, I'm not bothered by the fact that you like her because she came into your life first. I have no right to get angry just because you're a human with feelings. Second, I know my brother won't let her go. In short, case close. She's not a threat to my plan to win you over. But yeah, you're right. I am trying to make you feel better because that's how much I like you."
It seems I stunned him in silence. He's probably wondering if he's ever met a person like me. Someone who could blurt out her feelings as if it were the most natural thing. Isa rin siguro iyon sa dahilan kung bakit nahihirapan siyang paniwalaan na talagang may gusto ako sa kaniya. Mula kasi nang una kaming magkakilala ay garapalan ko ng hinahayag ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.
Nangingiting kinuha ko ang wallet ko para maglabas ng pera. Unlike him, I don't have plans to get drunk. Dala ko ang sasakyan ko kaya hindi pwede iyon.
Sa pagkagulat ko ay inagaw sa akin ni Magnus ang wallet ko at ibinalik niya iyon sa bag ko. He pulled out his own wallet, and he threw a bill on the table.
"It's on me," he declared.
I blinked at him. "Umm, okay? Thanks, then." Tinignan ko ang baso niya. "How many glasses did you have?"
"Five."
And he's still talking normally? Even his alcohol tolerance is as manly as he looks.
Siya naman ang nagulat nang kunin ko sa kaniya ang wallet niya at basta na lang akong naglabas ng pera mula roon. I put the money on the table, and before he could move, I reached for his glass, and I tipped its contents on the rest of mine that I hadn't finished.
"I'm taking you home," I told him.
"What—"
"You're a responsible person. Sigurado akong hindi ka nagdala ng sasakyan. You have five glasses of whisky. I didn't finish my drink, and I brought my car with me. So I'm taking you home."
I know he's thinking of ways to convince me to just leave and let him be, but I crossed my arms in front of him, and I gave him a look that conveyed how stubborn I could be.
I made an imaginary victory dance when he pulled his suit jacket from the counter and stood up. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bahagyang bumuway ang tayo niya at kaagad na bumaba ako ng kinauupuan ko para lumapit sa kaniya.
"I'm okay. Just a head rush," he grumbled.
Inabot ko ang kamay niya at ipinatong ko iyon sa balikat ko bago ko siya hinila para maglakad na. "I'm still going to help you anyway."
"You're too small. I might crush you."
I rolled my eyes. "Anong akala mo sa akin? Langgam?" Nag-angat ako ng mukha sa kaniya at nilukutan ko siya ng ilong. "Just so you know, I'm taller than most women."
"You're tiny."
"Because you're humongous."
We navigated our way out of the crowd, and thankfully, it wasn't hard to do so. Magnus didn't really put much of his weight on me, and he was right when he told me that he was okay. Wala nga lang akong balak aminin iyon sa kaniya. When will I ever have a chance to be this close to him again?
I called his name out, breaking the silence, when we were outside and walking in the direction of my car. "Mags?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I'm a jealous kind of person. While I won't ever be jealous of Lucienne, I can't say the same to the other women that will come into your life from today on." I reached for my car keys from the packet of my bag. The car made a sound, its light flashing for a moment. "You'll know then how much I really, really like you."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Hmm?"
"Liking me." He looked down at me, holding my eyes for a moment. "I just don't think I'll see you that way, and I don't want you to waste your time."
"Don't worry about me. It's my time I'm going to waste anyway." Tinapik-tapik ko siya sa braso. "You're being gentle right now, but when alcohol is no longer swimming in your veins, I'm sure na babalik na rin ang kasupladuhan mo. You have turned me down the grumpy way, and now you have turned me down in a gentle way. I'm happy to inform you that none of them works, and I'm still going to do what I want."
He let out a sigh. He didn't move towards my car. He also didn't move to pull away from me. "Why me, Luna?"
"Because I'm a Dawson."
You'll understand one day. When a Dawson sees it, a Dawson knows. And I saw it in you.
Someone to love.
___________________________End of Chapter 7.
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