Chapter 38: Recruit
DS8Uncovered #LuMa #BearCouple #DaggerSeries
CHAPTER 38: RECRUIT
LUNA'S POV
A few years ago...
"Papasok ka po ba?"
Napatalon na napalayo ako sa tapat ng pintuan nang bigla na lang may nagsalita sa tabi ko. I looked down, and I saw a small child. I'm not sure if she's a big six-year-old or if she's a small nine-year-old. She has really long, straight hair and an adorable, angelic face.
"I don't know."
She tilted her head to one side in confusion. "Sick ka po?"
That's the big question, isn't it? I don't even want to admit it. I don't feel sick. Wala akong nararamdaman na kakaiba. And yet, my test results tell me otherwise. "Yeah. I guess I am."
"Ako rin po eh." Tinuro niya ang infusion center. "Kailangan ko raw po ng chemo. Ikaw po ba?"
"No. I just... I just wanted to see in case I would need it in the future."
Mukhang hindi niya maintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin. I can't blame her. I don't even understand why I'm here, or why I'm torturing myself.
I was about to turn around and walk when I felt a warm hand reach for mine. The girl tugged on my hand while she pushed the door of the infusion center with her other hand, which wasn't holding on to me.
"Umm..."
"Huwag ka pong matakot mabait naman po silang lahat. Bumisita na po kasi kami ng mama ko last week para makita po namin kung saan po ako gagamutin."
"I'm not supposed to be here. Hindi naman ako magpapa-treatment. Gusto ko lang talagang makita—"
"Eh di kunwari po friend kita na sasamahan ako."
"I don't even know your name."
A smile lightened up her face. "I'm Ella po. Ikaw po anong name mo?"
When I found out about my diagnosis, it felt like I was suddenly submerged in a place devoid of light. Since then, I haven't resurfaced. And yet this child is smiling as if nothing is wrong in her world. Para bang walang nabago... para bang wala siyang kailangan ikatakot.
"Luna," I whispered.
"Ang galing! Parehas na four letters lang ang name natin." Kumaway siya sa mga nadaanan namin na pasyente. They returned her wave and smile, proving that her happiness is contagious. "Pero mas maganda po ang name mo. Bagay para sa princess."
"Princess?"
"Ang ganda mo po eh mukha kang prinsesa."
"You look more like a princess than me. Especially with your long hair."
Huli na para bawiin ko ang sinabi ko. How insensitive of me to comment about her hair when there's a great possibility that she'll lose all of it?
"Pahabain mo din po ang sa'yo para princess na princess ka na po," nakangiting sabi niya. Umangat ang kamay niya at may itinuro siya na babae. "Mama ko po 'yon. Huwag mo po siyang tatanungin tungkol sa akin ha? Magkukuwento naman po siya pero kasi nalulungkot siya kapag pinag-uusapan ang sakit ko. Ayoko po siyang malungkot kasi baka malungkot din po ang baby brother ko na nasa tummy niya."
She's too sweet and too bright. She's a good child, that much is obvious. But her light is suffocating me. It was something I wasn't ready for. I just want to stay unmoving from where I was trapped the moment I heard my doctor tell me the result of my tests. Because there, I could be numb. I couldn't be happy... but at least I wouldn't be hurting either.
May pilit na ngiti sa mga labi na nagbaba ako ng tingin sa bata. "Susunod na lang ako sa'yo."
She nodded and let go of me. Akmang aalis na siya pero bago siya tuluyang makalayo ay sa pagkagulat ko ay bigla na lang siyang yumakap sa akin ng mabilis bago patakbong pinuntahan niya na ang naghihintay niya na ina.
I need to get out of here.
"Luna?"
Para akong ipinako sa kinatatayuan ko nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na boses na tumawag sa akin. Nilingon ko ang pinanggalingan niyon at parang may kumirot sa dibdib ko nang makita ko si Naynay Mila. Sa tabi niya ay may nakatayo na dalawang doktor na ang isa ay kilala ko dahil ipinakilala na siya sa akin ng doktor na bumasa ng resulta ng mga test ko.
Galen Cuevas stepped in front of me. "Luna? Have you decided—" Natigilan siya at nilingon niya ang kinaroroonan ni Naynay. "I..."
It's too late. The way Mireia's mother is looking at me, she already has a grasp of the situation. She's as perceptive as her daughter, and there's no denying that with the way she looks at me.
I know there is a possibility that she'll be here. Kaya nga lagi kong tinatanong si Mireia kung pupunta sila ng ospital at ilang beses na rin akong nag-offer na samahan sila. It's so that I could fix my schedule around theirs so that they wouldn't see me in the hospital.
Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa amin ni Galen at ng mas nakatatandang lalaki na kasama niya na marahil ay ama niya dahil sa pagkakahawig nila sa isa't isa. Hindi nagtagal ay nagpasiya silang magpaalam na para maiwan kaming dalawa ni naynay at makapag-usap.
Mireia's mother patted the seat beside her, but I couldn't move. Binigyan niya ako ng ngiti na puno ng pang-unawa. "Si Orson lang ang kasama ko. Wala siyang pagsasabihan kahit na makita ka niya rito."
My lips trembled, and I nodded. With heavy steps, I walked towards her. I took a seat beside her, my nails digging into my own palms with how tight I'm clenching my fists.
Inabot niya ang kamay ko at ikinulong niya iyon sa kaniya. I couldn't raise my head. I couldn't look at her. "Ano ang nakita nila?"
"B-cell follicular lymphoma."
"Curable?"
"It's most likely to be treatable but not curable. Sabi nila it's non-aggressive po. Complete remission is less likely, but for some, it's possible."
Pinisil niya ang kamay ko. "Ibig sabihin ay malaki ang tsansa na gagaling ka."
"My mother died because of this cancer, Naynay." Binigyan ko siya ng maliit na ngiti. "I don't think that I will... that I..."
"Magkaiba naman kayo. Bata ka pa. Magkaiba kayo ng laban ng mama mo." Her hand went to my chin, and she tipped my face up so that I would look at her. She gently patted my cheek when my eyes watered. "Kailangan mong bigyan ang sarili mo ng kaunting pag-asa. Huwag mong ipagdamot iyon sa sarili mo. Kasi ako naniniwala akong gagaling ka."
"How can you still believe that, Naynay? You know... you know how difficult it is to fight it. You know how it almost seems impossible. Sabihin na nating gumaling nga ako... pero hanggang kailan? One day I'll be better, and the next I'm dying again?"
Kumurba ang ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Hindi ba't lahat naman ng tao sa mundo gano'n? Hanggang buhay pa tayo ay lumalaban tayo. Lahat tayo nagmamahal, naghahanap ng magpapasaya sa atin, at lahat din tayo nasasaktan at nahihirapan. At kapag dumating ang tamang panahon para sa atin, lahat din tayo ay magpapahinga at uuwi sa Kanya na gumawa sa ating lahat."
I struggled for words, not knowing what to say, because I knew that she was right. Everyone of us is living, but everyone of us is also dying.
A rest. It's the word Naynay used. It's also the word that my mother used back when I was too young to understand everything. Before she got so sick that even a simple smile took so much of her strength.
"Why do good people die, Mama? If they're really good, shouldn't God let them live so that they could be happy?"
"Is life happy, sweetheart?"
"Yes."
"Is it always happy?"
"Yes!"
She smiled and pulled me into a hug, showering me with tiny kisses on my cheeks. "Life is indeed full of happiness, little moonbeam. But not all the time. There are moments when there is more pain. It's like life keeps putting challenges and twists in the story of your life. While the pain makes happiness have greater value and gives it more meaning, it can also get tiring. Death is a gift for some, Luna. It's the time of rest. The end of pain. The end of struggle. And it's also the start of something more. One that will open a new door to a paradise where you will wait for the people you love to come back home."
"Naynay..." Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "They don't know. I don't... I don't want to tell them yet. I just want to act normal around them. That nothing changed. That the day that I received my diagnosis didn't happen."
"Naiintindihan ko."
"I don't want them to suffer with me," I whispered.
"Naiintindihan ko, anak." She patted my cheek gently again. "Pero sana maintindihan mo rin na kung papipiliin sila, mas gugustuhin nila na pagdaanan mo ang lahat na kasama mo sila. Dahil kung ikaw ang nasa pusisyon nila ay iyon din ang pipiliin mo hindi ba?"
"Naynay—"
"Hindi kita pipilitin. Sabihin mo sa kanila kung kailan ka handa. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit gusto mong itago sa kanila dahil ginawa ko rin iyon kay Mireia."
She did hide it from her. Aksidente lang nalaman ni Mireia na bumalik ang cancer ni Naynay. I know that Mireia was heartbroken because of it, but I also witnessed how strong she could be in facing it.
"Ang dami ng sinakripisyo ni Mireia nang una kong malaman ang sakit ko. Ayoko sanang pagdaanan niya ulit lahat ng hirap na alam kong pinilit niya lang kayanin. Gusto ko sana na sa pagkakataon na ito ay kapag huli na at saka niya malaman. Para konting hirap na lang para sa kaniya. Konting sakit."
"Nay..."
"Peru unfair kasi iyon, anak, sa kaniya. Naiintindihan ko na iyon ngayon. Tayo ang may sakit, tayo ang nahihirapan, atin ang buhay na ito, pero hindi ibig sabihin ay wala ibang maapektuhan. Hindi ibig sabihin na wala silang karapatan. Hindi natin dapat tanggalin iyon sa kanila. Karapatan nilang magdesisyon kung lalaban sila kasama natin o hindi. Kasi pamilya natin sila. Wala silang gagawin para sa atin na hindi natin gagawin para sa kanila kung sila ang nasa katayuan natin."
Nangilid ang mga luha ko pero pinigilan ko iyon sa pagbagsak. Muli lang akong nagbaba ng mukha nang hindi ko na kayang matagalan ang pagkakatingin niya. Naynay reminds me so much of my mother. She sees and understands so much.
"Sabihin mo sa kanila kapag handa ka na, Luna. Kapag handa na ang puso mong ibigay sa kanila ang lahat. Pero huwag mong hintayin ang dulo. Huwag masyadong matagal. Bigyan mo sila ng pagkakataon na alagaan ka. Nang pagkakataon na tumayo at lumaban sa tabi mo."
LUNA'S POV
Present day...
I felt something warm wrap around my shoulder, followed by a strong arm that pulled me close. I didn't need to look up to see that it was Magnus. I could feel him even from a distance.
"They went home."
Tumango ako pero nanatiling nakatuon lang ang mga mata ko sa lapida na nasa harapan ko. "Emma and her family barely slept for a week. They need to rest."
"I invited them to dinner... whenever they're ready to visit."
"Okay." I felt Magnus kiss the top of my head. I could feel the tension around my body slowly ebb away. "I tried to pay for Ella's hospital bills, but they were already paid."
"Yeah."
I know he was the one who paid for it. I didn't need to ask him to confirm that. "And the funeral and burial?"
"That wasn't me."
Nag-angat ako ng mukha sa kaniya. "Really?"
Yumuko siya at sa pagkakataon na ito ay noo ko ang dinampian niya ng halik. "Your family paid for them."
Nilingon ko ang kinaroroonan ng pamilya ko. They didn't know, Ella. Not really. But they didn't need to. They just know that she is important to me, and that makes her important to them as well.
"I didn't get to pay for anything," I whispered.
"That's okay. I heard you talking to Emma about Ella's brother. I know you're going to take care of his education."
Ella would have wanted that. She was a bright child. She would have graduated as a valedictorian... and a summa cum laude. "She could have changed the world."
"She could have," he agreed.
"She definitely changed mine."
My voice broke, and I knew he heard it. Lalong humigpit ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin dahil doon.
I've kept it together for a week. I cried once, and that was when we were in the hospital. Ella's family is grieving. Ayokong makabigat sa kanila. But I could feel the control I had set for myself slowly crumbling.
"S-She's just a child."
"I know, LA," he said softly.
"It's unfair. I'm still here, and she's not here, Mags. She should have been here. She could have been more—"
"Don't say that." Iniharap ako ng lalaki sa kaniya at bahagya siyang yumuko para salubungin ang mga mata ko. "I know it hurts to lose her. I understand that it seems unfair. But that doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be here. If Ella's here, she'll tell you that. She's your cheerleader, remember? She rooted for you. Katulad ko, naniniwala siya na magiging okay ka. You told me yourself. Until the end, she believed that you would make it."
Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I could feel myself trembling with each sob that racked my body.
"I'll tell them," I whispered. "I just... I just need a little more time. If... if Papa's here, it would be easier. I just..."
"Okay." His hand makes comforting circles on my back. "Anytime it feels right for you. If you want to wait until he's found, then we'll do that. No matter what you decide to do, I'll be there with you."
"Are you sure?" I looked up at him brokenly. "Are you sure you want to? Mags... you saw it with your own eyes. This will never be easy. You wouldn't be able to get out unscathed. You will get hurt. You—"
"I know." Isinandal niya ang noo niya sa akin at may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi na dinala niya ang kamay ko sa tapat ng puso niya. "This heart of mine knows too. We're all in."
"Magnus..."
"If I leave you, do you think it will not hurt me? I am choosing what pain I could live with." His lips brush lightly on mine. "It's a moot point anyway." Tumuro siya sa langit at ngumiti. "You have another angel up there negotiating for you, and I have a feeling that, just like when she was here, no one up there has the heart to say no to her. Hindi papayag iyon na maiwan ako. Prince Charming will always need her princess."
My smile was shaky, but it was my first since Ella succumbed to her battle. "How can I forget? I have a strong representative there."
"Right. The president of LuMa's fans club."
"And the only member."
"Not for long." Iniharap niya ako at natanaw ko ang pamilya ko na naglalakad palapit sa amin. "I have a lot of potential recruits."
"Sure ka na ba sa choice mo na 'yan? Mga masasakit sa ulo ang mga iyan."
He shrugged. "They're the most reliable. They can keep the club going until we're old."
A gust of wind swirled around us, and for some reason... I suddenly felt light.
I scrunch my nose at my husband. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Mags, but you're already old."
Napakurap siya na parang hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. I chuckled as I escaped from his hold, walking closer to my family, who I have no doubt wouldn't mind becoming recruits.
"Come back here, brat!" Magnus called out to me.
"Catch me if you can, gramps! If your creaky knees can handle it!"
I'll try my best from here too, Ella. Negotiate well for me... and please, hug my Mama for me real tight.
____________________________End of Chapter 38.
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